11

Sleepy, pinchy, bloated, fat face

LOL, the title of this post makes me laugh – like it’s some kind of spin off of the 7 dwarfs. Tonight is my last dose of Clomid, and the hormones are really kicking in.

I have felt sooo tired these past few days. I don’t recall Clomid making me that sleepy before. Maybe it’s the estrogen? I’m already getting fertile CM as of CD 5-6, as well as some pinches in my ovaries. I’m hoping for a good follie report on Monday!

I’m also extremely bloated. I think most of it is due to my steroids. Even my hands and face are bloated 😦 The face bloat is the worst. I had TWO people from work notice it! How embarrassing! I wonder if I’m not drinking enough water or maybe ingesting too much salt. I know water retention and bloating are a side effect of Dexamethasone, but this sucks. Of course, I will do anything if it helps me get pregnant/stay pregnant though.

Any suggestions about how to get rid of this excess water/bloat? Maybe gatorade? More water? I really don’t eat a ton of sodium. I’m more of a sweets person. But I guess even a small amount of salt could cause problems. Just call me fat face LOL.

Oh, I will say a couple good things about the steroids though! My eczema is allll cleared up (didn’t have it that bad anyway) and it seems like I’m losing less hair?! My allergies are almost non-existent as well. Usually this time of year, I’m battling sinus infections and crazy allergies. I also haven’t had anymore bouts of irritable/inflammatory bowel symptoms – Sorry TMI hehe. I guess I’m contributing these things to the steroids! They ARE supposed to reduce inflammation, so yay!

Other than that, I’m feeling a lot calmer and low key this cycle so far. I’m trying not to have high expectations. I already feel less stressed since I put down the BBT. I hope I can keep my zen-ness going throughout the whole cycle.

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14

NIAW Bust a Myth

National Infertility Awareness week is here, and RESOLVE is hosting a challenge to help create awareness about myths surrounding infertility and the ways people build families. Click here to learn more.

MYTH: You’re young, just relax, and it’ll happen eventually…

There are plenty of couples in their 20’s trying to conceive. I can’t tell you how much I have despised hearing the above myth over the years. What people don’t understand is that Susy’s husband may have a low sperm count that requires further action. Or Ann has Endometriosis and has to go under the knife. Or that Nicole cannot ovulate on her own without medication. Or that Mike and Cindy have undergone many years of treatments and have decided to adopt.

In these cases, age does not make a difference and NO amount of relaxing will magically make these couples get pregnant. There are so many couples that require medical intervention – surgery, injections, oral medications, IUI, IVF, etc to reach their goal. Not to mention, some of these couple have already tried for years WITHOUT medical assistance and no miracle has happened for them. They have spent so much time, money, and have endured so much heartache while yearning for their miracle – and the best you can tell them is to relax?

I know, I know, stress is definitely NOT good at all or condusive to trying to conceive. But the fact that we are young, does not give us any extra hope or ressurance or consulation that we will achieve our goal. Especially when there are serious medical/physical/hormonal/emotional obstacles to overcome. If I could take the advice to just go get drunk and have a good time, I would totally be pregnant 100 times by now. I WISH it were that easy!

My personal beef with this myth is that I am 28 years old and getting ready to enter early menopause in my early 30’s. At least that’s the best guess from my doctors. I’m not quite that young anymore – I’ll be 29 this year. I have always gotten comments that I’m young and have plenty of time and to BE PATIENT. The truth is – I don’t have much time left at all. I have been robbed of my childbearing years, and there’s no explanation why and NO CURE. I feel under pressure to conceive, but can you blame me?! I do not have the luxury to be patient and relax. I feel broken and useless at times. I really don’t feel like telling people the my eggs and ovaries are similar to a 40+ year old woman. That’s pretty personal.

I wish people would take these things into consideration before they speak. I know that most people try to come from a good place and offer the best advice/support they can give. People just don’t have enough information though. I am open and honest about my journey with pretty much everyone at this point. Sometimes people are surprisingly awesome – maybe they have been through something similar or know someone who has. Others have NO clue about anything. I can’t really blame them. It just sucks being alone in the real world, struggling everyday with empty arms, wishing people would be more understanding and supportive.

Most people don’t know how many miscarriages I’ve had, how many tears I have shed, how much money and time I have spent on my dream, all the procedures I have undergone – all just for a chance at having a baby. And we don’t know that it will ever happen. We just keep trying and hoping. I hope that if I continue sharing my story, it will help people realize all that goes into this journey and create awareness.

Thanks for reading. And much love and luck to all those trying to overcome their obstacles and reach their goals. I posted this to my facebook page – let’s hope for some good responses πŸ™‚

Please be sure to visit RESOLVE’s Infertility 101 for more information about infertility..

19

Plans for cycle 28

At first the nurse called me back and told me to resume taking Femara this cycle. I was not happy about that because I didn’t have as good as a response as I’ve had in the past with Clomid or other drugs. I tried to explain that to her and she said my response to Femara was just fine. I don’t care about a fine response or okay response! I don’t see a point in taking any fertility drugs to get one follicle, because I can do that on my own. I have been doing this for far too long. I need a STELLAR response! LOL. Totally did not mean to sound like a brat though. πŸ™‚ (Oh, and that’s not ACTUALLY what I said to the nurse LOL)

The nurse called me again, after talking to my RE, and agreed to give me Clomid 100 mg CD 2-6. I’m very pleased to have my familiar friend, Clomid, back again! I am usually able to produce a few good follies with it. It also doesn’t seem to affect my lining or give me bad side effects like it does for some people. I actually took 100 mg Clomid in combination with other drugs during my IVF cycle. I believe it helped a lot. I did get pregnant, but it was a chemical pregnancy. This was before we added Lovenox though, and I only took a few doses of steroids vs. taking them everyday as I do now.

So I’ll be taking Clomid 100 mg CD 2-6, u/s on CD 9 (next Monday), Ovidrel hcg trigger, Progesterone 100 mg 2x/day, Lovenox 40 units, and Dexamethasone 4 mg. I hope this brings some nice follies and a sticky BFP! We decided not to do IUI. We’ve done 5 IUIs, and it seems we have just as much luck doing it the old fashioned way vs. IUI. Hopefully BD will do the trick. Plus, it’s more fun hehe.

Some things I’m doing differently this cycle (to avoid stress) is putting down the BBT! No temping! There’s not much point in temping because we will have a general idea of when I’ll be ovulating, based on the u/s and trigger. I think sometimes temping is more stressful than helpful, it just depends. I will also NOT be testing out the trigger or testing too much to early. I would like to hold out and get a beta done, but I’m not 100% sure I can do that. I will play it by ear and see. I’m going to keep my mind and body occupied with more relaxing, enjoyable activities and try not to obsess. πŸ™‚

Good luck and thanks to all the ICLW folks, as well as all my bloggy buddies! It’s been really nice meeting some great new people this week so far!

16

Cycle 28, CD 2

AF arrived yesterday. I’m actually feeling okay though. I’m ready to push forward and make something happen this cycle. I’ll be calling my RE this morning to make a plan for cycle 28. I’m not 100% sure what meds we’ll be using or if we’re doing an IUI or not.

Last cycle we tried Femara for the first time, and I didn’t really care for it. I only produced 1 mature follicle, along with 2 smaller ones. My RE said the 2 smaller ones might have caught up, but it’s hard to say. Usually I’m able to produce 2-4 follicles, even though I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Clomid seems to work pretty well for me, so I’d like to go back on it. Since I also have poor egg quality, it’s preferable to have more follicles for a better chance at catching my “golden egg”.

I’m still feeling hopeful and optimistic about the new addition of steroids and Lovenox. It seems like I’ve had increased fertility the past couple months due to the new medications. I still fear that I will keep getting pregnant and having early losses. I just keep hoping that one of these times, it will turn out differently. I don’t know if it’s crazy of me to think that it will be different somehow, someday?! I just know I’m not ready to give up yet. As much as this IF rollercoaster sucks – I can and will do this for my future child.

Will update soon with the plan πŸ™‚