6

Labs done

I got my labs for Dr. Sher done yesterday. It took 8 vials of blood. Is it sad that I'm not bothered by stuff like that anymore?? I've had so much blood taken, it's not even funny. I hope this is the last batch until my next positive, doubling hcg BETAS! 🙂

I have fears that my results will reveal something really bad and unfixable. That's probably not likely though. If they do find something, I imagine it might be difficult to overcome BUT it will be an answer nonetheless. I'm more afraid that they'll find NOTHING.

So please hope along with me that there's something (else) wrong with me! LOL 🙂

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

9

If money were no object…

If money were no object, what would you do? Adopt, IVF, more testing/procedures, etc? Move to an island somewhere and live child free?

I would most certainly do more IVF cycles. However, there comes a time when your body and emotions just can’t take anymore fertility treatments. I think I would be more willing to pursue adoption, if I had the funds. Something I would love to do is set up some kind of fund or grant to help infertile couples. Or donate money for research.

Speaking of grants, I came across some helpful sites that offer help to infertile couples. It looks like you would have to wait awhile to see if you qualify or win. One site asks you to donate money to participate. I’m thinking of signing up, but I’m not sure.

I thought this site was interesting – it explains the different scholarships/grants out there.

6

Not so funky, my goals, and a package from Vegas

First, I would like to say thanks to everyone who commented on my recent post (I feel ugly). I’m so appreciative to have people who understand, but at the same time, I’m so sorry that any of you have to go through this.

I realized that I have been letting TTC consume me. I have neglected many aspects of my life. When you want something so badly, it takes priority. However, sometimes it can become unhealthy. I have a lot of trouble letting go – I’m kind of a control freak. But some things are out of my hands, as much as I hate to admit it.

I am happy to say that I’m feeling less funky today! I decided to create some goals to get back on track and hopefully get my life back. I know TTC/IF will always be prominent in my life. And I’m not a miracle worker – anyone who has been TTC long term, can’t just “turn it off”. But I’m going to do my best to stop neglecting important areas of my life – such as hobbies, social life, finances/savings, exercise/weight loss.

It will probably be quite awhile until we can pursue IVF again. In the meantime, I’d like to focus on enjoying life, be with my friends, save money/pay off bills, and be healthy. Although, I actually quit taking all my MILLIONS of supplements and vitamins. Can you believe it?! I’m tired of worrying about my egg quality and swallowing a gazillion pills all the time! I might resume taking just a FEW things once my upcoming bloodwork is done.

I got my package from Las Vegas!! It has all the vials for labs that we need to get a full panel of autoimmune/RPL testing (21 tests!). I plan to get my blood drawn on Wednesday (this coming week), then ship it overnight to a lab that is capable of running all of the tests. I need to check what’s covered under insurance. We plan to still go ahead, even if it’s not covered. We need answers. My labs would be $5,000-$6,000 and Andy’s would be $1,000-$2,000 if NOT covered at all by insurance. Fingers crossed that we don’t have to pay full price!!!

**If you want a FREE phone consult with SIRM/Dr. Sher, you can visit his website here. His blog is also very informative and helpful – click here.

20

I feel ugly

I feel quite ugly at the moment — sad, bitter, jealous, etc. Why is it so easy for some people? Don’t they say that good things happen to good people? Or good things come to those who wait? What a load of bull. I know plenty of good people who get shit on constantly. And bad people who get everything (without any appreciation).

Maybe it’s because it’s Fathers Day – another year that I can’t make my hubby a daddy. Mother’s Day is probably the worst though. I don’t know, but I feel like crap. I just want to cry or scream or punch things.

After absorbing the information from Dr. Sher, I have concluded that there’s no way we can successfully conceive without serious medical intervention. Yes, we can get pregnant – but I will just keep miscarrying. There is no hope until we find out exactly what’s wrong and how to fix it. Even then, what if it’s NOT fixable?

Also, how much is this going to cost us? The autoimmune panel might not be covered by our insurance. I have to find out. Then, how much is the treatment going to be? I work so hard and all my money just flies out the window. Health insurance is a JOKE. It’s not fair.

I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe we will never have children. I’ve thought that before, but I’m almost ready to believe it now. I have so many things wrong with me and standing in my way. Why would God make me so broken?

I have been physically broken for awhile, but I’m starting to feel mentally broken, too. I don’t want to be angry or jealous or avoid people/situations. I hope I can get out of this funk. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.