16

14dpo update and possible decisions

Thanks everyone for the positive thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. Today’s tests look BFN @ 14dpo. I’m not sure if I just had a lingering trigger shot, some bad tests (or maybe really sensitive tests that were picking up the tail end of the trigger), or another chemical.

I don’t think there will be anymore pee sticks in my future. Betas will be the way to go. It’s really hard though. They are addicting because I’ve seen those 2 lines, and I’m always chasing them. It’s all like a drug – the pee sticks/TTC/etc. If there was an infertility rehab, I would probably belong there.

I don’t think I will every “truly” get pregnant. Just faint lines, lingering trigger, and chemicals. There is obviously something wrong with me. Most likely too poor of egg quality. I’ll have to see if Dr. Sher found anything else with my labs (follow up 8.2.11).

I am so discouraged. I think we might need to re-evaluate TTC, possibly quit, and save for donor egg IVF. My body is so useless. We have tried so many things and have had good responses, but nothing works. Like this cycle – 5 follicles. And my IVF cycle where we implanted 3 embryos – 2 of which were really nice. What the hell is wrong with me??!!!!!! I don’t think I can go on like this. I don’t want to make any rash decisions though.

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16

Maybe pregnant, maybe another faint line saga

I had tested negative on 10 and 11 dpo. 10 dpo I had slight brown spotting that might have been implantation. Yesterday at 12dpo, I got a very clear +++ on a Clear Blue Easy. My other tests look iffy though.

I’ve also used ICs, which are showing a faint line. I tried an FRER yesterday and this morning, and it has a faint line. I’ve had this before though, where multiple tests show faint positives – some show a better line than others – but they don’t get darker.

I’m hoping that I’m just early after implantation, and that the lines will get darker. BUT I’m 13dpo today, so it seems kind of late for that. I guess not everyone gets an early BFP, but late implanters don’t always turn out well.

I’m just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. However, I don’t feel very excited. I need to protect myself from getting my hopes up. If I still have ANY positives, I’ll request a beta on Monday, just to see what’s going on.

I still have to test every cycle – at least to know when to stop the progesterone. I wish I could just get a nice clear BFP or BFN instead of my strange body producing confusing lines. It’s so frustrating. I don’t think I’ll ever see a nice, dark BFP. Just these faint lines.

Here is a pic of the Clear Blue test – it’s the one you can see the best out of all of them. It actually looks pretty good, but the other ones are difficult to even pic up on camera.

9

11dpo update

The trigger seemed to go away yesterday @ 10dpo. I’ve been testing with ICs that are really sensitive, so I tend to see a slight line/disturbance of some sort for quite awhile.

I did have a small amount of brown spotting and cramping yesterday afternoon – which I hope could be implantation. I’ve only ever had spotting one other time and got a BFP the next day. It was a chemical though, I guess.

I don’t think I’m pregnant. 😦 I don’t know. I guess there’s still a couple days to see if this cycle is a bust or not. I’m not sure what we’ll do next cycle yet. I’d kind of like to call it quits, but I’d also like to keep fighting. I feel pretty wishy-washy about everything right now.

Still no word from Dr. Sher’s office with my test results. I THOUGHT we would do 2 follow ups – one with my test results and one when Andy’s came in. I think I’ll just wait til Andy’s comes in around 8.2.11. I’m not feeling as anxious as I was about the results. Waiting a little longer won’t matter much. I kind of doubt they will find anything significant anyway.

3

Pick me up love, everyday

Thank you all for helping pick me up with my last several posts. Sometimes I hesitate about writing things like that because I don’t want to be so negative all the time. It’s really therapeutic for me though, especially with the thoughtful and helpful comments from you guys.

So today, I dedicate a happy song to all of us! It popped in my head today 🙂

“Everyday” By Dave Matthews
Pick me up, love!
(Pick me up, love)
Hey, how long, how long, how long (Everyday)
Everyday, ah

Pick me up, oh, from the bottom
Up to the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I take my chances on everyday

Left to right
Up and down, love
I push up love, love everyday
Jump in the mud, oh
Get your hands dirty with
Love it up on everyday

All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.

Everyday
Everyday
Oh, Everyday…

Pick me up, love, from the bottom
Up onto the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I’m gonna take my chances on everyday

Left to right
Up and up and inside out right
Good love fight for everyday
Jump in the mud, mud
Get your hands filthy, love
Give it up, love
Everyday

All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.
Oh…

What you’ve got
Lay it down on me
What you’ve got
Lay it down on me

All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.

Everyday
Everyday
Oh, Everyday…

Pick me up love
Lift me up love
Pick me up love
Everyday…

Up from the bottom, everyday
Up to the top love, everyday
Pick me up love
Lift me up love
Pick me up love
Everyday