Deja vu

Sorry for my absence. Typically I post a lot more often. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I have written pretty much all my feelings/emotions/thoughts/opinions on infertility and loss. I have been trying to sit down to write something, but then I get deja vu. Didn’t I already complain about that one thing a bazallion times? Or I said I felt hopeful that cycle, but it ended up biting me in the ass? Didn’t I get excited over a positive pregnancy test, only to see the line fade away like eleventy million times?

Blah blah blah <— Is how I feel like I sound.

This journey has been like an evil Merry-Go-Round of despair, hope, disappointment, excitement, new treatment options, bad news….and it just keeps spinning ’round and ’round no matter how hard I try to get off. It’s exciting at times, but after a while it just makes me want to puke.

Cycle 43 Update: I’m getting deja vu again! I’m 12dpo, with possible faint positives…yet again. There was NO trigger shot this cycle. Maybe they’re all bad tests again. I guess we will see what happens in the next couple days. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m staying somewhat positive (yet neutral) about it all. None of it really bothers me. I know how to deal with it. I just want things to be different and to have a happy ending already!! I keep hoping the next time I test, that faint line will be darker!

I did call Dr. K yesterday. Basically she said it’s too early to say what might happen. That there may be more chemical pregnancies as we try this new protocol (ugh). I am to double my dose of Lovenox just in case and report back to her on Monday. She was pleased to know that things might be working.

Sometimes I wonder how anyone gets pregnant, with as complicated as it seems to be! Is it too much to ask that I get a TRUE BFP, rejoice and be happy (not be too freaked out or doubtful), normal progression, doubling betas, and a growing baby with a heartbeat that stays put for 9 months? Apparently that is a lot to ask, afterall!

So here’s my barely there “line” from this morning. It’s hardly visable. This one looks more evappy than the others, but the pic isn’t very good either.

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Movin’ on up

This week, my department is moving into the new hospital! I’m pretty excited! My office is huge! And it has a great view of downtown Columbus. Everything is brand spankin’ new. Computers, furniture, phones, etc – all top of the line. I feel spoiled. 🙂 Our patients will be amazed when they see all the awesome resources and special additions that were included to make them feel comfortable.

Here’s a couple links to show you our new building. I hope these work. We are on the 10th floor. http://www.nationwidechildrens.net/gd/applications/new_hospital/index.html

http://www.nationwidechildrens.org/gd/applications/constructionmap/map.html

I’m back in the TWW already! I ovulated really early on CD 9 (yesterday). I’m glad I started using my OPKs early. They were blazing! This is my 2nd cycle on the new meds/immune meds, so we’ll see what happens. Other than that, there’s nothing new going on TTC-wise. I’m still dealing with good days and bad days from Metformin. The majority of the time, I feel sick and exhausted. 😦 I’m optimistic that things will get better…or that I’ll get a BFP before long. I’ll be getting labs this week to see if I need to start IVIG.

 

*Baby dust to all* 😀

401 posts! Cycle 43 and food for fertility.

Wow, over 400 posts in just a little over 2 years of blogging!

I’ve been exhausted this past week or so. I feel like it must be from the increased dose of Metformin. I haven’t been feeling very good. It’s been trial and error with what I can and cannot eat. Yesterday I had a Chef salad for lunch, and that was a baaad idea. You’d think something healthy would be great, but noooo. A few hours after lunch, I was running to the bathroom. I guess it’s just going to take some getting used to.

I’m on CD 5 and feeling pretty boring at the moment. I meant to start temping yesterday or today, but I keep forgetting. I wouldn’t even bother, it’s just that Dr. K wants me to pinpoint ovulation. I’ll have to bust out the ole OPKs soon. I haven’t used any forever! I hope I can remember how to track my natural ovulation. 😉 It’s easier to have the doctor monitor me. I always know O pains, but it’s been a long time since I tracked cervical position and all that jazz.

I wanted to share this interesting info from the fertility cookbook that my friend, Paula, sent me. If you have any clotting disorders, you want to have the following items in your diet: Abalone, beets, bilberry, Brussels sprouts, chestnut, chili peeper, chive, crab, cucumbers, dark green veggies, eggplant, evening primrose oil, fish and fish oil, hawthorn berry, kelp, lemon, lime, linseed oil, mustard leaf, nuts and seed oils, onion, peach, saffron, scallion, seaweed, spirulina, squid, sturgeon, turnips, and vinegar. Hmm…I honestly don’t know what some of those are! I’m glad to know a few of those are things I’m already using!! 🙂

I think I’m going to make these cookies this weekend….

Fertile Soul Cookies: They help soothe PMS symptoms, as well as nourish fluids like semen and cervical mucus.

Yields: 12-15 cookies

Cooking time: 15 minutes, 350 degrees

• 1 cup brown rice flour
• 1/2 cup tapioca flour
• 3/4 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
• 1/2 teaspoon xantham gum
• 1/4 cup melted clarified butter/ghee
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/2 cup agave nectar
• 1/4 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1/4 cup pumpkin seeds, crushed
• 1/8 cup goji berries

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flours and oats, coconut and xantham in a bowl. Next add melted butter, vanilla and agave nectar mixing until thoroughly combined. Finally add chocolate chips, pumpkin seeds, and goji berries and chill in the refrigerator for 1 hour. Drop spoonfuls of dough onto lightly greased cookie sheets. Bake 15 minutes, remove from oven, and leave on pan for an additional 5 minutes.

What’s going on and plans for the future!

I’m 16dpo and just waiting for AF to arrive now, I guess. After my last post, I did actually have a couple nice looking, convincing lines on my tests. Thankfully I didn’t get my hopes up because they must have been bad tests. I ended up staying on my progesterone for a couple extra days, just in case, but it looks like I’m safe to discontinue it today and let AF come. Me and my crazy tests LOL! I’m not upset though. I’ve had this happen before. And I already counted myself out this cycle a few days ago.

As per Dr. Kwak-Kim’s instructions, I doubled my Metformin dose yesterday. I’m now taking 1,000mg everyday. I had adjusted to the daily dosing, but the double dosing is affecting me (I think). I woke up feeling like doggie doo-doo this morning. Headache, shaky, weak, extremely exhausted, upset stomach, and just “out of it”. Yuck. 😦 TGIF!!

I found a local Immunologist as Dr. K suggested, to treat my low IGG with IVIG (which will also treat the inflammation in my body and RPL – Recurrent Pregnancy Loss). Yay! BUT before I can get the IV treatment, I have to get some follow up labs done. Dr. K said if my IGA is still low, I can’t get IVIG. However, if it’s only my IGG that’s low, I can get the treatment. This stuff is quite confusing, so I need more clarification as to why and what that means exactly. Also, we’re hoping my insurance will cover it since it technically is medically necessary – not just for infertility/pregnancy loss. They are checking on it for me now. Dr. K will write a letter of medical necessity for me. Fingers crossed!!

Sooo, for Cycle 43 (or 43 bazillion, it seems like), we won’t be doing any fertility drugs (ie Femara or injectibles). I will take Metformin 1,000mg everyday, my supplements (see ovulation chart link for list), extra Folic Acid/B vitamins, baby aspirin, Lovenox 40 units starting on CD 6, Prednisone 10mg starting at 2dpo, and Prometrium 200mg starting at 2dpo. That’s still plenty of meds! It will be worth it when it works though. I also must monitor my cycle, take ovulation tests, BBT charting, etc. I have to report to Dr. K about my cycles and when I ovulated.

I do feel very hopeful for the future!! Gotta stay positive! 😀