Sorry for my absence. Typically I post a lot more often. Lately, I’ve been thinking that I have written pretty much all my feelings/emotions/thoughts/opinions on infertility and loss. I have been trying to sit down to write something, but then I get deja vu. Didn’t I already complain about that one thing a bazallion times? Or I said I felt hopeful that cycle, but it ended up biting me in the ass? Didn’t I get excited over a positive pregnancy test, only to see the line fade away like eleventy million times?
Blah blah blah <— Is how I feel like I sound.
This journey has been like an evil Merry-Go-Round of despair, hope, disappointment, excitement, new treatment options, bad news….and it just keeps spinning ’round and ’round no matter how hard I try to get off. It’s exciting at times, but after a while it just makes me want to puke.
Cycle 43 Update: I’m getting deja vu again! I’m 12dpo, with possible faint positives…yet again. There was NO trigger shot this cycle. Maybe they’re all bad tests again. I guess we will see what happens in the next couple days. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m staying somewhat positive (yet neutral) about it all. None of it really bothers me. I know how to deal with it. I just want things to be different and to have a happy ending already!! I keep hoping the next time I test, that faint line will be darker!
I did call Dr. K yesterday. Basically she said it’s too early to say what might happen. That there may be more chemical pregnancies as we try this new protocol (ugh). I am to double my dose of Lovenox just in case and report back to her on Monday. She was pleased to know that things might be working.
Sometimes I wonder how anyone gets pregnant, with as complicated as it seems to be! Is it too much to ask that I get a TRUE BFP, rejoice and be happy (not be too freaked out or doubtful), normal progression, doubling betas, and a growing baby with a heartbeat that stays put for 9 months? Apparently that is a lot to ask, afterall!
So here’s my barely there “line” from this morning. It’s hardly visable. This one looks more evappy than the others, but the pic isn’t very good either.