5

Goodbye 2011 ~ Hello 2012!

What a roller-coaster of a year it has been!! Like I’ve said before, I feel like this was our worst year yet, TTC and otherwise. However, I believe I have grown wiser and stronger in spite of it all. I’ve seen terrible things happen to wonderful people and myself & Andy. I’ve seen beautifully amazing things happen, too. It’s easy to focus on the negative because such strong feelings have the ability to linger for a long time. I’m learning to let go though…

As I mentioned in my previous post, both Andy and I are working on several positive changes! We are both extremely motivated and sticking to our goals. I feel very optimistic about future TTC attempts, as well as life in general. It’s an amazing feeling to start the new year on a positive note. Our goals: No drinking for Andy (or me) – so far so good, weight loss for me, both of us eating healthier, being more positive and letting go of my pain, and not focusing so much on TTC. I feel like I have a jump start already! What are your goals? I pray you all achieve your hopes and dreams.

Some of our lowest points this year:

  • January 2011 ~ Kicked the year off with IVF #2 and Miscarriage #5
  • March 2011 ~ Miscarriage #6
  • April 2011 ~ Marked a total of 4 years TTC (including NT/NP periods)
  • August 2011 ~ Devastating autoimmune DX from Dr. Sher & being told we would never have a baby
  • August 2011 ~ Miscarriage #7
  • October 2011 ~ Miscarriage #8 (longest pregnancy to date)
  • December 2011 ~ Andy’s car accident and health scare

Some great events that occurred this year: We moved into an awesome, new place in May 2011! I started working in a new clinic at Children’s Hospital in September 2011, and I love it!! Financially, we are getting in a better place. My husband is preparing to begin his FINAL semester in college to become a Radiology Technician! He has worked so hard for this achievement, and I’m so proud! Only 20 people a year get accepted into his program. 🙂 I had surgery in November 2011, and so many things were found and repaired! My doctor has given us an increased chance of conceiving, which is the best TTC news I’ve ever had.Some amazing things that happened this year: many of my friends/long-term TTC’ers got their BFPs!! They give me so much hope, and I don’t feel an ounce of bitterness about it! I’m so happy for them! Just to name a few: After several miscarriages, 3 years TTC, annovulatory cycles, and several medicated cycles, LisaL finally conceived a healthy bub naturally! After 4.5 years and several IUIs and medicated cycles, unaffected is almost 9 weeks pregnant after her first IVF attempt through the clinical trial at New Hope in NY. Unaffected even had activated NK Cells but did not use intralipids. A Twoweekwait.com friend, Halifax, is 17 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby at age 44 (conceived naturally!) after suffering many miscarriages!

One story that I love to tell is about my friend, Tara. She suffered a couple of miscarriages and lost one tube due to an ectopic. She attempted IVF 3 times, and had her spirit nearly crushed. She and her hubby went on vacation to Mexico and were trying to decided between IVF #4 or adoption. Lo and behold, she got a natural BFP after about 5 years of TTC! She actually ovulated from the bad side and somehow caught that eggie! She has a healthy baby boy!!

I know I have left out several others, but you all amaze me, and I love ya! ♥ ♥ ♥ And for those still waiting, my heart goes out to you. You all have my support and respect. I know the struggles you are faced with. I hope to be posting about your miracle very soon 🙂

Possibly the BEST news this year came a month ago, when my friend’s baby girl got her new heart!! Little Jasmine needed a miracle, and God provided. Please continue to pray and/or think positive thoughts for Jazzy as she recovers. 🙂 What a blessing. She and her mommy are so strong.

So I am ending this year in a positive frame of mind, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds! May God bless you all with a safe, happy, healthy new year. I pray all your prayers are answered and all of your dreams come true.

14

Peeking out from my break…

Hello out there! We are on a break at the moment, and I’m not sure how long it will last. I’ve been trying to limit my time online, as well – especially with TTC or pregnancy related things. It’s hard to stay away though, because I’ve grown so fond of so many people out there. I’ve been thinking of you all and hoping everyone is doing well. ♥

My hubby and I are doing so well! I’m so proud of us both. Our relationship is solid, but there are some individual things we needed to work on and change. In doing so, we will only strengthen our relationship. Andy needed to quit drinking, and I’m happy to report that he has. He is so motivated about making even more positive changes. He’s also been helping me out so much, without me even asking or telling him to do so! He is starting counseling next week. I think this whole TTC business has caught up with him, too.

I’m working on several things, as well. I’ve gone a bit loony with TTC and all my losses. For the first time in awhile, I am thinking clearly and actually focusing on other things. I’ve tried to do that before, but it never worked out very well – until now! I’m reading, walking, doing yoga, weight lifting, and seeing my therapist more often. I’ve lost 10 pounds in the last 2 months, with most of the weight loss in December alone! I feel more confident, beautiful, relaxed, and my self esteem has gone way up — all of which have been lacking for a long time.

♥ So I want to wish you all a wonderful, blessed holiday! I hope 2012 will be an amazing year for us all. ♥

24

Goodbye, or see you later

I’m sorry, I posted this yesterday, but I deleted it because I accidentally hurt my buddy group’s feelings. It was not my intent to make them sound like bullies. They are caring friends who helped me see some things I was in denial about. Andy and I have some personal and financial issues we need to work on before TTC again. I have shed many tears over this decision, but it’s for the best. When we have a child, I want our home and our lives to be the best possible place for a little one. I have put TTC above all things for a long time, and it’s way overdue for me to focus on myself and my relationships.

I have a lot of love and respect for you all. I hope it’s not goodbye for long. Let’s just say see you later. Much love to all.

7

CD 1, plans, a poem

Ugh, CD 1!!! Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts yesterday. I really appreciate all the support. I guess part of my bad mood was also PMS. I’m still taking these Estrogen pills, which are no fun and add to my lovely moods! I kind of feel like crap right now, but hopefully it will get better.

We will try naturally again this cycle, while I finish up these darn Estrogen pills. If not pregnant this cycle, my RE wants to do Femara + injectibles next cycle. I tried Femara once and didn’t like it. I only had one super mature follicle on CD 9. However, now that my right ovary is working better, I’m hoping for better results. I also have my consult with Dr. Kwak-Kim, Reproductive Immunologist, coming up in a couple weeks!

(All of the above is pending – hopefully we have the money to do it)

I saw this poem on 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility’s Facebook page. Thought I would share 🙂

‘Twas the night before your period and all through the house,

not a creature was stirring, not even your spouse.

The tampons were waiting in the bathroom with care,

in hopes that Aunt Flow would soon NOT be there.

Your future children were nestled, like dreams in your head,

while visions of cramps start to come before bed.

You’re sure you are pregnant, your breasts are so ripe,

you examine that toilet paper each time you wipe.

But you just might be pregnant, you have all the signs,

so why does this test never show those two lines?

And you cry on the floor until you are ill,

tomorrow you’ll refuse your prenatal pill.

“Come nausea, sore breasts, and frequent urination!”

“On weight gain, fatigue and then to lactation!”

We are getting impatient, our clocks start to tick,

but each month all we do is pee on that stick.

We know more about ovulation than our family doc,

so please fill our womb before our friends newborns can talk!

We thank all of our relatives for those sympathy hugs,

but we’ve spent our whole salary on fertility drugs.

Our spouse has more sex than his full teenage years,

but this time he’s not bragging to all of his peers.

So before our next cycle, lead us the fertile way,

Happy baby-making to all and keep periods at bay!

**Also, there are some amazing stories on SIRM’s site for the free IVF contest. Check it out here.