Why is there a right or wrong way?

I read this post recently, and it got me thinking. I am in no way bashing this blogger, because I totally respect her honesty. She is a strong, amazing woman who has been through more than anyone should have to experience. I respect that she has a different way of blogging, and that’s totally cool. That is her personality, and I wouldn’t expect anything different. There is actually truth to what she has written, but it made me feel inspired to get some things off of my chest. Please, please don’t bash anyone – especially her – for writing it. Please don’t bash me either, lol. I will delete any such comments. Just as she shared her perspective, I felt the need to write out my own perspective on my pregnancy & my blog.

Like So — Maternity Manifesto: http://likesoblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/maternity-manifesto/

I’ve already been pondering this subject, prior to reading that post. To me, there is no right or wrong way to experience pregnancy after infertility/loss, and there’s no right or wrong way to blog about it. Some people will be more reserved/low-key, not writing as often – or writing about other non-pregnancy things instead. Some will express more fear and cautiousness. Some will be excited and gushing and ready to share everything. I don’t think it’s fair to judge. Our journeys and personalities are unique, but we share similar paths and goals. Isn’t having a healthy take home baby our ultimate goal? And finding happiness and resolution? That’s what we are all cheering each other on for.

I’m going to continue posting “bump pics” and comparing my baby to fruit. To me, it is not bullshit – it’s that I enjoy tracking the progress of my pregnancy. Every milestone is a big deal to me! This may be the only time I have to experience this, and I am going to do what makes me happy. Like all of you, I have waited for this for so long. I have friends and family who do want to read my updates. If someone abandons me because of some silly fruit pictures and seeing how excited and happy I am, then that’s too bad. I mainly do those weekly updates to organize my thoughts, because I’ve seemed to develop some sort of pregnancy dementia, lol. Skip those posts, if you prefer. I wouldn’t be offended.

I seriously don’t have any complaints regarding symptoms. I’ve truly had it easy. I actually love symptoms because it helps this pregnancy seem more real to me. I’m not holding back, in hopes that my infertile readers will stay. I don’t think I have anything to say that would offend them, unless they are offended by fruit and happiness. I think it’s important though to be sensitive to my TTC friends, but that’s just the way I am. I don’t do “blunt”. I’m not one to complain much, anyway. I’m honest, but I just have a different way of expressing things.

I understand the feelings that come with seeing your TTC friends get pregnant – I’ve been watching that happen for about 5 years. It’s not easy to be “left behind” and to keep waiting for your turn. Believe me, I still root for you guys and hold you all close to my heart. I haven’t moved on from you. I still associate more with YOU guys. I am still ME. The same girl that struggled every month with faint lines, evaps, low betas, chemical pregnancies, fertility drugs, and BFNs. I’m still a pregnant infertile. I don’t fit in with “normal” pregnant women OR my infertile friends anymore. It can be a strange place to be in, and I don’t quite know what to do with that yet. I don’t even know what to blog about because my feelings are all over the place. It’s something I struggle with.

Do I still worry everyday about losing my baby? Yes, mostly everyday. You wouldn’t believe some of the crazy thoughts I’ve had. I’d rather not write about that very much though. It works better for me to talk to Andy about those feelings and then try to focus on happy, exciting thoughts. I mean, I have some serious risk/complications that may arise with my diagnoses, and that’s scary shit! Maybe I should write a post about those thoughts. I’m not a blissful, ignorant pregnant person as it seems. I wish I was! I just don’t want to focus too much on the scary things. It’s how I’m dealing with things. And when my friends comment on how hopeful and excited they are – that this is my take home baby – it honestly makes me feel so much better & helps my confidence grow. I appreciate knowing that so many people believe & have faith that it’s going to be okay.

I have to admit, in the past I was guilty of skipping certain posts and not commenting as much when someone got pregnant. But I was still there reading. And I still tried to let them know I was thinking of them. Maybe I didn’t do a very good job of it sometimes. It’s difficult to relate to someone talking about baby stuff, when you’re TTC. I get that. You have to deal with it however you can, and do what’s best for your heart. I regret not being there more for those ladies now. 😦 Now that I am here, I understand that support is needed throughout all stages of TTC and pregnancy. I mean, we’re all in this together.

Please bear with me as I navigate this new territory and try to figure things out. Or not, it’s up to you. I understand, but I admit that it makes me sad. Not to make you feel guilty, I’m just being honest. This feels like a loss of identity. I was (and still am) so involved in the infertility community, and now I don’t belong there anymore. Thankfully, I still have a lot of support & I’m truly grateful….but there’s a couple people who did leave – people I thought I bonded with. It’s a strange feeling to know that people you care about will leave, and they will actually feel bitter towards you. Ouch. I don’t know what I expected, but I didn’t expect that last part, I guess. This is all new to me, and I’m trying to learn how to adjust. Things change. As you can see, I’m quite different from the other blogger, but there’s nothing wrong with that – IMHO. So there’s my honest ramblings! Take ’em or leave ’em! πŸ™‚

34 thoughts on “Why is there a right or wrong way?

  1. Keep posting and just be you! Don’t filter anything for fear of offending anyone – this is YOUR blog and YOUR pregnancy. You inspire the rest of us and give us hope xx

  2. I totally agree — I read that same post a while ago and felt, on the one hand, she brought up how slap-in-the-face it can feel for an IF blogger to just “forget” all her troubles as soon as she becomes pregnant. But I think you can be excited and positive while also mindful of what you’ve gone through, and that’s how I view your blog. And I agree that there’s no need to harshly criticize all these IF bloggers for comparing their fetuses to fruit or giving them nicknames; we do this because it’s fun and because we don’t want to name our fetus Fred, or whatever.

    Also: “… unless they are offended by fruit and happiness” – HILARIOUS!

  3. I love your Blog and you, keep it up, I stalk you several times a day. I never had all the complications you have, but, it took almost 20 years of serious trying and 4 losses before I got my take home baby girl Shaelyn, and well you know of all the suprise complications we had after her birth, but we never gave up trying for our baby and we never gave up on her and now she is a thriving 7 month old (well in a few more days…lol). New ticker new lease on Life. I wish too that I had done this while pregnant, but I lived in fear of something going wrong with my pregnancy like all the other ones and I am not great at expressing my fears. I just clam up and stew!!! I compared Shaelyn’s progress to fruit as well and we had nick named her Squirmy up until 22 weeks when we found out her gender, than we started calling her by name, BUT we still call her Squirmy because she truely is squirmy…LOL Love you Girl!!!!

  4. Pingback: I Know! Let’s Color Code It! « Like So

  5. I can see it from both sides but honestly isn’t the whole point of TTC the C? This blog is about you and for you and is meant to be a reflection of who you are and what you want to say and share. No matter how sad I am to lose my babies and how hard it can be to see someone else’s dream come true while I still wait for my own, I will always be happy for those who finally get that healthy pregnancy after struggling for it. Because I know what both sides of the story are like.

    Don’t feel pressured to bend your blog into anything that you don’t want it to be! I love to see your updates and they encourage me in the idea that if it can happen for you, it can happen for me too!

    That being said, this other blogger is doing what she needs to do as well. So good for her. πŸ™‚

  6. I love your blog and root for you through it all! You’ve experienced a lot of heartache and deserve happiness. Wanting camaraderie is understandable but if there are people out there secretly hoping that you fail so that you can be miserable together, you just don’t need them. I think you bring hope and encouragement to those who have TTC unsuccessfully for years. That’s what’s important!

  7. I agree with Kristi — ultimately, this is your space, our blogs are our own. Sure, we may get traffic from a certain community of people because we have something in common. But, ultimately, people should respect bloggers who may change what they blog about, as should bloggers respect followers/readers for choosing to read or not read the blog, based on what is written.

    I do understand that sometimes bloggers who receive a lot of support from the community feel that they owe the community some sensitivity with regard to pregnancy. I agree with this. However, at the end of the day, readers do not HAVE to read and our blogs are our personal space, to use as we see fit.

    I personally choose not to read some parenting blogs written by IFers, because sometimes it seems that they’ve lost sight of “what they’ve gone through”. However, just like I said to the blogger you referenced — just because someone has chosen not to constantly share painful stories, does not mean that they have forgotten or no longer struggle with their IF past. [I guess I just don’t feel that I can relate to them anymore… unless I’ve established a relationship with that particular blogger.]

    Good luck!! πŸ™‚

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