6 weeks, 4 days. Scary and beautiful.

It was 3 weeks ago today, that I got my BFP @ 11dpo! These past few weeks have been the most exciting, happiest, and terrifying weeks of my life. Everyday, I wake up and say, “I can’t believe I’m still pregnant! Thank you, God!” Now that I’m feeling more changes in my body, it has begun to feel a little bit more real. Every time I feel something new, it amazes me. And seeing the heartbeat Friday, was so reassuring and made it all seem more real for both Andy and I.

I want this soooo soooo badly for all my friends dealing with infertility. I do carry around guilt. I pray for everyone, and I wish there was more I could do to help. I just keep saying, if it can happen for me – it can happen for you! And I just don’t want to hurt anyone. I am so thankful for the support you all have given me. I want to return that support a hundred times over for you. If anyone has any questions or wants to talk, please email me at Baby4Lisa(at)gmail(dot)com. I will always have time for you, no matter what.

Most of the time though, this all still feels like a dream. I’m afraid I’ll wake up, and it won’t be real! Even though I was hopeful, I never actually imagined this happening. We’ve never had so much continued good news before! We don’t know what to do with ourselves! It’s like winning the lottery. It’s better than that though. You never think it will be YOU. It’s the highest high, the biggest reward, and we’ve spent half the time in shock. We’ve been practically delirious LOL!

Like I said before, sometimes I find myself waiting for the bad news to come. At any given moment, it could all change. That’s the most frightening thought. Bad news and disappointments are what we know. We are conditioned, after all these years. However, I am letting myself get excited, letting myself feel like this IS real, and I’m already connecting with this little miracle in my belly. So is Andy, and I don’t want either of our hearts broken. But without being able to control it, we’ve fallen in love already. Scary and beautiful.

I was telling Andy yesterday that I don’t want to look back on my pregnancy and regret being in fear all of the time. I want to make the most of it all, enjoy it, live it, love it, and make amazing memories. So that’s exactly what we’re doing! Oh, you should see Andy right now. I wish I could record him when he talks about our baby! He is completely adorable. I never realized that he wanted this as badly as me, actually! We will have a healthy baby in August, and that’s that. We’re all in.

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In other news, I have a nasty sinus infection! I went to the doctor on Thursday and got antibiotics (Amoxicillin). The doctor wrote me off work Thursday and Friday, so I could get some extra rest. I thought I’d feel more like 100% by now, but I’m still struggling with congestion and coughing. My nose hurts like a biotch, from the inside out! I’m pretty much too scared to even take the recommended OTC meds, but I’ve taken just a couple here and there.

Other than that, I feel fantastic! My symptoms are: sore boobs and fatigue. I’m craving spicy/salty food big time! I’m still having difficulty sleeping sometimes, but most of that is nerves/excitement. I slept quite well last night, finally. My belly/bloat is growing, which makes me very happy. πŸ™‚

I bought 2 books on Amazon!

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The Belly Book (Pregnancy Journal) on Amazon

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Belly Laughs on Amazon

Here is what “spot” looks like during the 6 week point…and I’ll be 7 weeks on Wednesday! No more betas, but I do have other labs and get weekly ultrasounds every Friday. I’m trying to keep my Pregnancy Updates page up to date. Is that page difficult for you guys to load with all the pictures and stuff? I was thinking of dividing it up?

week 66weeks

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16 thoughts on “6 weeks, 4 days. Scary and beautiful.

  1. I am so excited for you Lisa! I’m so sorry you have to deal with feelings of guilt and fear – but those are totally normal. Know that your friends – even those dealing with infertility – are THRILLED for you because they know how much you wanted it! If you ever want to join me at MEND – a group for women who have lost babies, I’d love to see you there. I know it’s been helpful for me and many others who deal with those fears during subsequent pregnancies. I’m praying for you and baby daily!

  2. I think dividing it up would be good. Anywho the fear will eventually get better. It will always be there, but as your pregnancy progresses, the fear will be replaced by awe. It’s pretty amazing πŸ™‚ I can’t wait til your lil spot is gummy bear shaped lol. Not sure if that will be by your next ultrasound but it definitely will be at your 8w one. So cute!
    It is just so exciting reading all of your updates!

  3. I’d like to say the fear goes away, but honestly, it doesn’t. I was fearful the whole 9 months and even still now I’m afraid of something happening to my son. Although, the fear/scary thoughts do lessen up. For me, once I started feeling baby move I was able to relax a bit. But then towards the end, I’d worry if he wasn’t moving as much as normal. Ahhh…the joys of being pregnant and a mommy, we never stop worrying! How exciting that you get to have an ultrasound every week! I loved having them! Even though they were a bit painful at times (sometimes they have to press really hard to get a look at baby) it was so awesome to see baby on screen!

    • Thanks Christel! I agree, it must be a normal “mommy” thing to worry. I’m sure I’ll always have a different set of worries. I can’t wait to get past the beginning part here, but I also don’t want to make it go too fast πŸ™‚

  4. Just found your blog today. Congratulations on the heart beat. I have 3 more days until I’ll be testing at 15dpo. I too have a raging sinus infection that my doc decided to ignore.

  5. Lisa, I can totally understand your worries. I am exactly the same! I already know that the whole time of pregnancy is going to months of worrying and being scared of the smallest thing that is different. Maybe once you can feel the baby, you will be more at ease. I myself, am looking SO forward to feeling the baby inside my belly. It must be the most amazing feeling! We are getting there, Lisa!

  6. Lisa, I am SO thrilled to read that things continue to be going well with your pregnancy!! In all honesty, the feeling that something could go wrong at any moment is completely normal (I had 3 miscarriages before my son was conceived and couldn’t even bring myself to buy any maternity clothes until I outgrew my last pair of pants and had no choice, and it wasn’t until after about 18 weeks that I felt comfortable enough to even buy my baby any clothes.) at some point you will breathe a little easier, and the fear will be something you learn to live with and manage. Glad to hear you are already being closely monitored because that for me helped me stay sane. Plus you will get to see so many wonderful images of your baby before he/she arrives. Every MINUTE we carry our babies is precious. Be sure to allow yourself time to enjoy this intimate time with your child before the next few months are over in a flash and you are sleep deprived, but happy new parents of a demanding, yet cherubic newborn. I know you will have much to celebrate tonight at the stroke of midnight and have the happiest of new year’s!

    • Thanks Sara, that’s good to know that it’s normal. πŸ™‚ I am definitely enjoying it all though. It is amazing. πŸ˜€ Happy new year to you!

  7. I’ve been following your journey for awhile and am extremely thrilled for you. I read belly laughs with my first. You’ll love it. I also have did the belly book for both of my pregnancies. You’ll have so much fun. Please enjoy this time because before you know it it will be August and you’ll be holding that beautiful baby. Good luck.

    • Thank you so much!! πŸ™‚ I’m so looking forward to everything there is to come. I’m definitely enjoying things. I’m actually surprised – the fear is not overwhelming or anything so that’s good πŸ™‚

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