*My cyst is completely GONE, if you’re just popping in*
I am on cycle day 38, of this cyst/birth control/break cycle. I stopped the birth control pills on Friday, so AF should come anytime now. My doctor said 1-4 days. I will begin 5mg of Femara on cycle day 3, and start my Follistim on CD 5. I have to call when AF starts to set up my follicle scan for mid-cycle, which is usually day 9 for me.
At times during my break, I had thoughts of how nice it is to enjoy myself…and that maybe I could live child-free. Do you ever have those thoughts? I was thinking that between work, my husband, my cats, friends, and everything else – that I had enough to fill my life. Plus, sometimes just being ALONE is fabulous. That’s a good thing though, right?
The child-free mindset is only fleeting. Most of the time, my desire for a family grows even stronger. It’s always a battle for me to find balance between life and infertility. I guess the point is that I shouldn’t let my desire take away from all the wonderful things I already do have. There is a piece missing – albeit a big piece – but I need to focus more on everything else that is still there. There’s SO much else!
It felt liberating to know I had zero chance of getting pregnant – no obsessing, no worrying, being lax on my supplements (kind of), no peeing on sticks, no symptom-spotting, no extra medications. I stayed pretty busy over the last 38 days – getting together with friends and family, going out, or just staying home relaxing or doing things around the house, reading, drinking (lol), watching new series on Netflix, playing with my cats, catching up on stuff at work, having fun with hubby, having SEX – spontaneous wild SEX – not BD. A good mix of boring and crazy is how I like things in life.
I know 38 days isn’t a lot of time, but I think this is the first “real” break we’ve had since we started TTC. I know, that’s a long time to keep going without resting! I feel like a normal human being, which I haven’t really felt like since maybe 4 years ago. I almost don’t want to go back to cycling craziness. That is a strange feeling! I guess I learned that I can live without TTC and the idea of getting pregnant & having a family – at least for awhile. That I need to take good care of me and my LIFE. I do have a life, come to find out! 😉 Wow, I kind of love my life!
I am ready now though. I am rejuvenated, excited, hopeful, healthy (mentally and physically), happy, calm, and feeling like a WARRIOR!
*Ding ding* Round 48 – Let’s get ready to rumble! 😛 But seriously. Infertility will not win. I am stronger than I realized, and I’m going to beat this. And so will all of you! One way or another… ❤