I’m on CD 8. I’m temping and BD, but I feel pretty blah. I want to gather more information to give to Dr. Kwak-Kim to show her that something seems “off”. I had sent an email to one of the nurses LAST Friday (9/7/12). Didn’t hear anything back. I figured they were busy. So I called Thursday and Friday of this week to leave messages. I finally got a call back at the end of the day yesterday, saying they hadn’t received my email! I re-sent it, and now I’ll be waiting for Dr. Kwak-Kim to review it. Frustrating! I’ve never had trouble with them getting back to me before, so I’m not upset or anything. I guess it’s partly my fault for “assuming” and not following up sooner. 😦 We aren’t doing much this cycle, so I guess it’s not a big deal to be slightly delayed.
I asked about my light lines and low betas – if there might be some alternative reason (other than pregnancy) or if there’s something more we can do to increase the odds of successful implantation. I mean, why aren’t the new immune meds working? It is month 4. My labs seemed to reflect the meds started working pretty much right away. I know these things take time, but I can’t keep this up with how it has been going. I also expressed concern about my delayed ovulation. I looked back on all my charts, and it has happened several times. Especially recently, but there were other times where I geared up to ovulate but failed & didn’t actually ovulate until a few days later. Something just doesn’t seem right, with several aspects of my body and cycles. I’ll do whatever she says, even though I hate these meds.
I’m hoping to hear back soon. It was strange — last night I cried after we BD! I was feeling totally fine all day – all this week actually, but all of a sudden I thought — “Why am I doing this??!!” A burst of emotions came spewing forth – out of nowhere. I told Andy none of this matters (BD, injections, meds, side effects, tracking my cycles, etc etc etc) because I can’t stay pregnant. That I’ll never have a baby anyway. I almost felt like we shouldn’t be BD because I don’t want to get pregnant if it won’t last. I didn’t mean to go into mini-meltdown mode, but it must have been something I was repressing and it needed to come out. I cried a little, and Andy reassured me. I felt better after a little bit, although I kind of wanted to curl up in the fetal position and hold on tight to my hubby. This shit is traumatizing! Somehow, we still have some hope left though.
Here’s some good news: It is day 7 of my gluten free diet! I’m doing way better than I thought! I’m not only motivated by possibly increasing fertility, but I’m noticing big changes in my GI system already! It feels good to feel good! I have not taken any Tums at all this whole week. For me, that is amazing. I’ve had NO Reflux! I’ve had virtually no indigestion either. Just a tiny bit. This is TMI – but I have had NO problem going # 2. I’ve even being going more than once a day, which is ideal. I feel lighter, less bloated, and more comfortable. I found a bunch of great gluten free & organic foods at the grocery store (Kroger). Thank you all for the tips, encouragement, and information!
Oh, and even Andy is eating some of my food, too 🙂