Cycle 45, CD 1

AF started full force this morning. I feel pretty icky and grouchy today. Holy PMS! I’m glad my confusing, long, crazy cycle is over though. I can’t believe this is month 41 and cycle 45. I’m still doing this!!! I must be crazy.

I just spoke with the nurse at my local RE’s office. Dr. Meany (I mean Dr. James haha) had her baby while I was off doing natural cycles the past couple months. I call her that because she has a poor bedside manner and said from the start that we need donor eggs. I stuck with her though, because she was willing to work with Dr. Kwak-Kim. Anyway, Dr. Meany is back already from maternity leave. Good timing! Okay, but I’m next! She can give me her left over baby dust. 😉

Dr. Meany’s whole office treats me a bit strangely. They act like I’m some kind of science experiment. I’m only allowed to come in on certain days because we are doing such a “strange protocol”. I can only see Dr. Meany and no one else. None of them believe in immune treatments, they only “go along with it” to appease the patient. They think it’s a placebo affect.

I told the nurse I only wanted to do Femara – not a combo cycle with injectibles like we were doing before. I explained that my immune specialist (Dr. KK) put me on some new medications to fix some issues, so I don’t want to go overboard. If Dr. KK is right about me being able to conceive, I don’t want to end up with quads or something (yeah right, like that would happen)! Just being cautious though. And this is what Dr. KK said to do – start over and work my way back up the fertility treatment path.

Starting over sucks. 😦 I wish they had found all these issues sooner. Not only the immune stuff, but my Endo and Septate Uterus. Our IVF attempts were useless and costly. Oh well, at least we know now. That’s better than not knowing. Treatment is much better than no treatment. I pray it works though. There are no guarantees at all. My fear is that it will all be for nothing. We must try, or we’ll regret it.

My baseline ultrasound and labs are Friday. I’m hoping for a nice, normal cycle with a clear ovulation day. I really hope to get pregnant, but I don’t feel confident or very optimistic like I was previously. That may change. I’m just discouraged and feeling impatient right now. It’s so hard to keep going sometimes….

*Fingers crossed* Please work. Please work. I want to be one of Dr. Kwak-Kim’s miracle stories.

24 thoughts on “Cycle 45, CD 1

  1. I really believe it can happen for you. I don’t know why I feel so sure, but I do. I am keeping my fingers crossed you are a Kwak-Kim miracle too.

  2. Lisa, I love following you. I can understand why your hope is wavering, but all of us ladies are still hoping for you! I am sorry to hear about your doctor’s office. Its weird they treat you that way. I hope the Femara works and you will get your miracle soon!!

  3. The really great thing about infertility is also the really shitty thing about infertility: there is ALWAYS another cycle. Fingers crossed hunny! I know in my heart, as do you , that you WILL get your take home baby. Maybe not this cycle (tho I hope and pray with everything I have it is this one), maybe not the one after that, hell maybe not the next 5, but you WILL get there. The beautiful thing about you is that you never give up. I’m in your corner cheering you on! For what it’s worth I’m sending you tons of baby dust and sticky vibes! Can’t wait to see what this cycle brings! Oh, and give Dr.Meany the stink eye when she’s not looking. Even Fertile Myrtle that she is 😉 Love you!

  4. Aw, sorry honey! I was hoping this cycle worked for you! Good idea to take a step back with fertility treatments to just femara. I wish Dr Meanie wasn’t so mean! Well, don’t pay attention. Think of the docs that let you do IVF with a separate uterus – they don’t always know what they’re talking about! 🙂

  5. Lisa, just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I was on the foltx for MTHFR for 6 months before we finally got pregnant again after our last miscarriage and my MTHFR would never let us go past 5.5 weeks. But I do know that when I took B6 it did mess with my fertile cm. I told my doc this after a couple months on the foltx but he didn’t listen. And whether it was the miscarragie or the foltx, I don’t know but I did have crazy charts after starting the foltx. I drank yogi raspberry leaf tea from period to ovulation for a 3 months to see if I could straighten things out. Ironic or not, the 3rd month I did it, I had great CM and signs. And you are on a lot more stuff than I was, so your body just may be trying to adjust to it. Just hang in there and keep at it…….

  6. I know how hard it is to feel like you are starting over, but I think that you are so much closer to your baby now. I once read that infertility is like peeling an onion– you keep peeling and peeling until you get to the center. When you first started you were only at the outer layers of the onion. Now I think you are getting right to the middle! I know your baby is coming soon. I always have my fingers crossed here for you and I just know its going to happen for you. Xoxoxo

    • Thanks Gina! I really like that idea!! You are right. I think we have alll the information and treatment now, so I hope that means pregnancy is imminent. 🙂

  7. Wow, what a journey you have had! Here’s hoping you are close to the end! I noticed in your “About me” section that you are a pediatric nurse. I’m a nurse too and worked in Peds for 4 years. Loved it but needed a change about 4 years ago so I now work in the community with babies and families (immunizations/breastfeeding support/developmental assessments etc). Its a fun job! Best wishes to you as you start a new cycle!

  8. Every time I see that PMS comic on the internet, I laugh. I’m still cheering you on from my lurkdom. You’re a strong woman & great things will happen to you. If a doctor was mean to me, I would quit them in a flash. Oranges?

    • LOL, it cracks me up too 🙂 Thank you! I would leave Dr. Meany, but she’s the only one in the area that will go along with my immune treatments 😦

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