AF started full force this morning. I feel pretty icky and grouchy today. Holy PMS! I’m glad my confusing, long, crazy cycle is over though. I can’t believe this is month 41 and cycle 45. I’m still doing this!!! I must be crazy.
I just spoke with the nurse at my local RE’s office. Dr. Meany (I mean Dr. James haha) had her baby while I was off doing natural cycles the past couple months. I call her that because she has a poor bedside manner and said from the start that we need donor eggs. I stuck with her though, because she was willing to work with Dr. Kwak-Kim. Anyway, Dr. Meany is back already from maternity leave. Good timing! Okay, but I’m next! She can give me her left over baby dust. 😉
Dr. Meany’s whole office treats me a bit strangely. They act like I’m some kind of science experiment. I’m only allowed to come in on certain days because we are doing such a “strange protocol”. I can only see Dr. Meany and no one else. None of them believe in immune treatments, they only “go along with it” to appease the patient. They think it’s a placebo affect.
I told the nurse I only wanted to do Femara – not a combo cycle with injectibles like we were doing before. I explained that my immune specialist (Dr. KK) put me on some new medications to fix some issues, so I don’t want to go overboard. If Dr. KK is right about me being able to conceive, I don’t want to end up with quads or something (yeah right, like that would happen)! Just being cautious though. And this is what Dr. KK said to do – start over and work my way back up the fertility treatment path.
Starting over sucks. 😦 I wish they had found all these issues sooner. Not only the immune stuff, but my Endo and Septate Uterus. Our IVF attempts were useless and costly. Oh well, at least we know now. That’s better than not knowing. Treatment is much better than no treatment. I pray it works though. There are no guarantees at all. My fear is that it will all be for nothing. We must try, or we’ll regret it.
My baseline ultrasound and labs are Friday. I’m hoping for a nice, normal cycle with a clear ovulation day. I really hope to get pregnant, but I don’t feel confident or very optimistic like I was previously. That may change. I’m just discouraged and feeling impatient right now. It’s so hard to keep going sometimes….
*Fingers crossed* Please work. Please work. I want to be one of Dr. Kwak-Kim’s miracle stories.