It is my 2 year Blogiversary!! I began blogging back in April 2010, when we were finishing our IUIs and embarking on IVF. Now, I am treading backwards and doing IUIs again (while considering IVF # 3 – probably not with my eggs though). I am still uncertain which direction to turn next. Where’s the EASY button?! I’m searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, and I might be getting a little closer. At least sometimes it seems closer, and other times it seems so far away. I’m stronger and wiser. But also a little nuttier. 😉
I never imagined that I’d still be blogging about infertility at this point. I’m so grateful that I started this blog and continued, because I think I would be lost without my support system. I want to go back public sometime soon. I hate that I let a few negative people bring me down, but infertility is a lot to cope with as it is – without dealing with other people’s B.S. Right now I feel peaceful, and I’m happy to be surrounded by positivity.
One of the most rewarding feelings is reaching out and helping others. At least, I hope I help others in some way. I’ve come a long way, and I have broken out of my shell to educate others on infertility. I can’t say enough how grateful I am for everyone who has continued to support me and believe in me. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but you all haven’t given up on me yet. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
Even though we reverted back to timed intercourse and IUI, I guess we have not gone completely backwards….Just in the last year, I have learned SO much more about my body and infertility. We found immune issues, Endometriosis, a Septate Uterus, and we’ve learned more about what drugs seem to help. Sigh, but we still aren’t there yet. Sometimes I feel SO angry that my doctor never found the septum when he should have, but I can’t harbor resentment like that. All the “what ifs” and “coulda” “shouldas” are no good.
I’m praying that we find the perfect treatment, once I see Dr. Kwak-Kim. Sadly, there might not be a perfect treatment. You would think there would be, with all the technology and modern medicine we have these days. There’s always hope though. I am going to keep going until there are no other options. If plan “A” doesn’t work out, just remember there are 25 letters left in the alphabet.
I feel like I’ve been on this journey my entire life now. I mean, I can’t go back to how it was before. I wouldn’t know how. It is our official 3 year point with TTC. Technically, it’s nearly 5 years next month of being off birth control and hoping. Wow, I was so innocent back then! 3 years hard core trying though. 28 months or so doing fertility treatments. Tons of testing, surgery, drugs, miscarriages, disappointments. You all know my story. I always said it would be worth it, and I still believe that. Even though I can’t believe we are still here and that this is how we must try to conceive a child. The desire lies so deeply in my heart. It can’t be wrong – it can only be right.
So, I’m trudging on, leaving no stone unturned…with my soul-mate and one true love by my side. 🙂 Andy and I have a very special anniversary on 4/12/12. 10 years together and 4 years married. I can’t imagine my life without him. We are best friends, lovers, and so much more. No matter what happens, TTC-wise, we have each other….and thank God for that. There’s nothing I want more than to make him a Daddy and for us both to experience parenthood. I believe that we will, somehow. Hopefully, we’ll achieve it by our next anniversary. No doubt in the next 10 years (but please God, don’t make us wait that long)!
I have a super sweet, sentimental gift planned. I’m making a memory chest. The theme will be 2002 (the year we met) and Top 10 (10 years together). Inside will be movies, books, music, sports stuff from 2002, a list of the top 10 things I love about him, the top 10 best memories we’ve had, some other homemade items, and a picture collage of the last 10 years together – with possibly a few pictures of what might come in the next 10 years.
I have most of the items ready. I’m not sure yet if I will make a scrapbook, laminate each individual piece, or what exactly yet. We actually both have shoe boxes that contain some keep-sakes we’ve given to each other. I’m going to sneak into his, take out the items I’ve given him, and preserve them. Then I’ll combine mine & his all into one memory box. 😀 He is a sensitive guy, so I think he will love it. Plus, we both can cherish it. I’m really excited about it!!!
I will be 14dpo/15dpiui just a few days before our anniversary. I hope so much that I can give him a BFP for an extra gift. If not, that’s okay 🙂 We still have something special between the 2 of us ❤