My strange body and frustration

I will update after follicle scan # 2, but first I have some stuff on my mind.

My eczema and allergies are flaring up (although they sometimes do this time of year). My skin has been breaking out, too – I seem to be inflamed. Earlier this cycle, I was itchy and swollen at times – especially on my hands. I wonder if there’s a connection between my immune system right now and having a crappy cycle. It’s something I will have to monitor. I still find it odd that I never had allergies, acne, or eczema before…up until a couple years ago, when we started fertility treatments.

I feel kinda gross. Why is my hair thinning so much?! It’s freaking me out. I look at pics from just a year ago, and my hair was much fuller with more body. Ugh. I found my first gray hair the other day!!! 😦 I’m turning 30 this year in October, WTH. My upper lip has a lot more hair growth than ever before. Is it age, or fertility treatments, or does it mean something else? I’m turning into an infertile man, with thin/gray hair, pimples, bigger boobs – oh, and pre-menopausal symptoms. Just lovely. lol πŸ˜‰

Last night I was thinking to myself that I can’t take much more of these treatment cycles. I’ve been off birth control for almost 5 years, hard core trying for 40 cycles, and doing fertility treatments for like 27 months. That’s a lot of freakin’ drugs, hormones, stress, testing, monitoring, money, disappointment, etc. Only 1 month until we see Dr. Kwak-Kim. I feel like we need to do something different – and fast. I’m about ready to say eff it all, and go for “other options” sooner. I don’t know when to say, “that’s enough”. If we don’t get pregnant THIS cycle, we won’t have a baby in 2012. Yet another year. And I had such high hopes for you, 2012 – you bitch. lol πŸ˜‰

Sorry to be negative, I’m just so frustrated! Plus, my hormones are raging. Infertility SUCKS. Making decisions SUCKS. My body is failing me already at such a young age, which SUCKS. Andy thinks we should go ahead with the frozen IUI for now. I think so, too. We should at least try, after all the meds and money that have already gone into this cycle. Part of me is thinking how ridiculous I am to even try. And part of me is still holding onto hope. But if you know me, I always bounce back and stay determined & optimistic. I hope I can hold onto that. I need to.

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7 thoughts on “My strange body and frustration

  1. I hope this cycle works out! And if not, I hope Dr K will have some insight. That IS weird about your immune system being out of whack – I seem to have my lymph nodes go all crazy right at the end of what I would say would have been a good cycle – coincidence?

  2. Lisa you should allow yourself to feel frustration like this at time. Its totally normal given what you’ve been through and the struggles you’ve faced. You have so much strength! Most people would have given up already but you’re a fighter and you have HOPE which I admire a lot.

    It’s ok to have ups and downs but just know when you’re down, you’ll get back up again.

  3. It’s good to vent all of your frustrations and doubts. To be honest about the negative feelings you have and admit that you are powerless. You’re human. You’re supposed to feel all of these things and I can certainly relate to much of what you wrote (and empathize with the rest!)

  4. I assumed they checked your thyroid/tsh lately? Sounds like a lot of those symptoms 😦 Praying you get a 2012 baby Lisa! (While I hadn’t been trying as long, I pretty much lost hope for a 2009 baby and I got a BFP for a New Year’s Eve baby that year…I hope that for you too)! Praying for you, your 2 follies and spermcicle! πŸ™‚

  5. Thanks ladies xoxo
    I’ve had my thyroid checked quite a bit, and even recently. I swear I have symptoms – but it’s always normal. So weird!

  6. It would be interesting if you knew what the numbers were because some doc’s normal is actually not. Usually anything over 3…but some docs say over 5 so that is a big difference.

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