Good parents and bad parents

I see so many good parents and bad parents, and I also see so many couples who aren’t parents that should be. 😦 It’s not fair, and there doesn’t seem to be the right balance.

I’ll admit to being a little jealous when I see people with their children, however it just warms my heart to see couples who are SO appreciative and loving towards their children. You can really tell when their kids are their top priority. I’ve seen parents on facebook say how blessed they are to have children, and I see caring, patient mothers with their babies at my job (Children’s Hospital) all the time. Sadly, it seems rare…even though that’s how it should be. Children are a precious gift.

I think infertile couples have a special appreciation for their kids, although I’ve seen just as many fertile couples who absolutely adore their babies & they are their world. I’ve seen both sides complain quite a bit about their lives. I know it must be difficult dealing with very little sleep, tantrums, and other daily stressors. I definitely don’t live in a fantasy world where I think kids are easy or that it’s all love and cuddles. Being a parent is the most difficult job of all…but it is the BEST and the most rewarding job.

I get so outraged when I see people who just throw away their kids, like they mean nothing. My cousin has 3 beautiful children, but she doesn’t have custody of any of them. Drugs and alcohol and whatever she wants to do comes first. Our new neighbors constantly scream and curse at their kids. Dropping the F bomb around their 3-4 years olds. Ridiculous! Not only are they scaring their children – but what kind of example is that to set for them?! I have about had it with them!!! And my parents, well, I grew up in a very chaotic, abusive household around drugs and alcohol. I was always neglected and felt more like a burden than a blessing. I was never a top priority. Why would anyone treat kids that way? It blows me away!

Andy and I aren’t perfect, but we are kind, loving people. Kids are ALREADY our top priority, and we don’t even have any yet! We rarely raise our voices to each other or anyone else. I know we could set a good example. Both of us have worked hard to get where we are today, put ourselves through school, and we’ve overcome many challenges….except for this one. We have wanted to be parents for a long time now. In a way, I’m glad it didn’t happen right away. I know we are more mature now and ready for the unpleasant parts of parenting. I just can’t believe it’s taking this long…or that it may never happen. But we are hoping… and I’m hoping for all of you, too.


13 thoughts on “Good parents and bad parents

  1. I couldn’t agree more. It is maddening to see some of the households who are blessed with children who never see what a blessing it is. My heart breaks watching Nancy Grace and hearing of all the tragic lifestyles when there are good parents waiting, like you and many other women and men I’ve met over the years. As a very blessed infertile, I can say it isn’t all sunshine every day, parenting is hard and demanding, and at times frustrating, but it is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me and I wish the same blessing for you and all the other deserving infertiles. I do think you will have a special bond and understanding heart when your time to be a parent comes. It’s something special that I think anyone who struggles so hard to create a family has, along with it comes some extra anxieties too. Not to say that fertiles have any less love for their children, I just think infertiles have something extra in their history that adds to the appreciation, if that makes sense? I’m anxiously awaiting your day, I can’t wait to see you flooding facebook with your kiddo pictures and stories 🙂

  2. Ugh, one of the most frustrating things as an infertile- ridiculous parents! I completely understand your feelings on being kind of glad that you’re more mature and really ready for kids when it does happen! I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last 6 years- all things that will help me be the best mom I can. It also helps that I have no doubt in my mind that I want kids. Not that I did before, but you know, when you’re younger…it’s comforting in a way.

  3. Utter agreement from me too. My children are my top priority right now, even though they are just a dream. Almost all my professional life I have been training to make the world a better place for kids and now I want to do it for my own instead of someone else’s. I hate to see people throwing their chlidrens childhoods away. Cherish them people, they fly by so very fast.

  4. Totally agree. I know DH and I won’t be perfect parents by any means, but we will certainly be doing our best and appreciate every moment we have with our child(ren).
    I get so upset when I see what I would consider bad parents.
    Just people that don’t seem to give a crap and take for granted how lucky they are.

  5. You’re so right when you say “Being a parent is the most difficult job of all…but it is the BEST and the most rewarding job”… and your love and determination will get you there :)) xoxo

  6. I’m very blessed to have a daughter and in the 7+/- years of various TTC situations after her birth I’ve realized just how lucky I am. The hardest part of parenting for me is often when other children (or sadly, other adults) are jealous. It’s not about material things but because she comes first, period. She’s spending her Spring Break with her father and grandparents (I’m remarried) and DH and I went to the grocery store and bought junk food and felt like we were getting away with murder because we cook from fresh and eat at the table and have a very regular routine when she’s home. I have lost a few friends who wanted to go have drinks and expected me to just leave my daughter with a sitter last minute because that’s what they did. I grew up like that, bounced around with no stability and I won’t have it. Someday (we’re almost halfway there! how?!) she’ll be off to college and spreading her wings and (unless we get our miracle) I’ll have plenty of time to sit and gossip on the phone or have drinks or whatever. As for the other children, I tell them that they should ask their parents on a date. You’d be surprised how long it’s been since some ladies have enjoyed the company of a charming young man over chocolate milk and coloring books.

    Oh and I found this series of books that is just … you’ll cry. Here’s the one I have

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