And that’s that

My tests are turning negative now. After consistently getting darker for 3 days. It’s okay though. I knew (in the back of my mind) that would happen, but I always try to stay positive and optimistic. The only way I can keep trying is to keep HOPING.

There was a big debate/drama situation about me on yesterday, when I wasn’t even online to respond! I found out about it later in the evening. The thread was locked, so I couldn’t say anything. It’s best to let those things go anyway. I’m tired of explaining myself to people.

It was just one person again, saying some insensitive things. I don’t think she necessarily meant to be mean, but it hurt my feelings. She said I said I’ve been pregnant every cycle for like 6 months. That is a lie. I hope to be pregnant….sometimes I think I might be…but I never said for sure that I was every time. A lot of women on TWW or elsewhere think they might be pregnant….and if you got lines on tests, you’d think you were, too. No one is bothering the other ladies about it.

I don’t think I will post there anymore. I try to be supportive and uplifting. There’s always something to be said about me when I’m public. That’s why I’m private now. People won’t leave me alone. I have enough stress. I just want to be around positive, supportive people. You can still be my friend if you don’t see my lines – that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is people who think they know everything about me, but they don’t.





17 thoughts on “And that’s that

  1. Lisa, even though you might need a break from posting your own sticks tww, I think the feedback and encouragement that you have been offering all this time is helpful and inspirational to a 3 lot of ladies. I knew with 3 follies you had a good chance of getting a bfp this cycle, I am sorry it didn’t seem to stick. (((HUGS)))

  2. Try not to let it get to you (I know, that’s impossible). It was one person, and like you said, I don’t think she was being mean intentionally – I think she really thought she was being supportive, even though she wasn’t. I’d just stay away from the POAS forum there – I think you’re just opening yourself up to potentially upsetting situations when you’re most vulnerable. I know you’re looking for support – that’s why we go to that site. Unfortunately, not everyone there knows how to be supportive of every situation. Maybe post in the IF section or something? IDK I’m trying to be helpful…but not so sure I am. Post away here though! This is your safe place!

    I’m sorry this cycle hasn’t worked out. I wish there were answers as to why you keep getting faint lines. (hugs)

  3. Thanks girls.
    I would like to still support people on TWW. I will see how my feelings are after things die down. I know, I’m bringing it on myself….but I have learned my lesson not to post there anymore. I thought we were SO close this time. My lines actually got darker, and I got positives on good tests. I really thought we might have made it. It sucks.

  4. I’m sorry about the bfn’s and unhelpful smack-talking. It’s exactly why I was apprehensive about sharing my blog (or even starting it in the first place) because I knew that if an insensitive comment came my way, stranger or not, I wouldn’t be able to shake it. You are an unrelenting support for so many of us and it saddens me that this kind of thing can happen.

    All that said- I can’t imagine the frustration with seeing lines appear and disappear so often. I have no idea how that feels and I would never pretend to. I’m just here to offer my support and advice when I have something helpful to say. XO

  5. Don’t listen to anyone else. Your tests were positive! And you are a strong woman for having hope each time. You know what I say to people when they have an opinion about my situation…WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES, AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO. UNTIL THEN…KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF. That’s how I have to look at it. I hope I have your strength, and positivity for the rest of my life. I admire you for all of that. I’m glad I can still read your blog because I will keep supporting you and praying for your BFP. Sorry you have to deal with people like that. I wrote on there but had to erase what I said. Someone took it the wrong way and called me insensitive. HA. I know a lot of women have infertility issues, I just stated that (for me) it’s hard to get opinions from people who have already have a child or two. I am also still going through the anger phase of losing my daughter, but it’s true. For me at least, I wasn’t speaking for you. Keep your head up and keep smiling, because your smile means the world to women trying. I know it does for me!

  6. Sorry to hear about the pee sticks goign negative…and also about the negativity on TWW…
    Hang in there πŸ™‚

  7. *HUGS* I’m sorry your tests are getting lighter.
    And I’m sorry so much drama happened.
    Yeah, I don’t think the person that started the drama was really intending her comment to be mean, but to me it was. It was just like what you described before, people complaining b/c they think your ‘fans’ or whatever word they used always blew smoke up your ass.
    Anyway, I think all of the comments afterwards just shows how many people are cheering you on and have nothing but hope and love for you πŸ™‚

  8. People can be such bitches. Do they not think that it hurts enough when your tests turn negative?! My heart breaks for you. One day you will get your BFP (and take home baby) and your true friends here in the blog world will be cheering you on.

  9. Im sorry ahout your tests turning lighter. I think that diagnostically from the nurse perspective its good to know and show professionals there is something that needs to be identified and remedied so you can have your take home rainbow baby. As for TWW, well I have seen one single girl take down an entire thread more than once. Its hard for people to get alone and when you are faceless and cant look another in the eye would you say those things to their face as they have been said to you, to me, to my friends? I think NOT. people are cowards, they are jealous, they are callous. some people have great line spotting, others dont. if they cant find it in themselves to say something nice or say nothing at all, well then screw them. you are always sweet and kind and those who know your journey get it. let it go because those who are mean take pleasure in knowing you are wasting your time thinking of them. onward and upward, because you are not a quitter and your road on this journey to motherhood may have lots of twists and curves but you are still on the road. praying for you as always. love michelle

  10. I’m sorry that your tests are turning negative. 😦 I know that if I was getting comments like the one on your thread it would hurt me too. You are one of the best things about that website though, so don’t let it get you down. It is just one person and there are so many of us out there supporting you and cheering you on!

  11. It seems to me that whenever someone feels the need to put the disclaimer out there that “I’m not saying this to be mean,” that they usually know that their comments will not be taken well, and in that case I think that the fact that they are saying them at all is a little bit mean. Some people take “honesty” too far. It’s not supportive to be honest if your remarks are hurtful. You need to keep yourself happy and sane before you worry about others, but I hate to see you leave TWW for the same reason others have said – your hope and your positivity will be missed.

    • I hit enter too soon. I also wanted to say that I’m really sorry that your tests are getting lighter. That has to be so hard month after month. I was really hoping this would be it for you.

  12. I’m so sorry Lisa, I really enjoy following your journey and I get so excited with you every cycle. Its not like your tests are always positive. They develop lines and then go white. You arent seeing things, you arent making it up. Previously, I realy got annoyed when someone was responding to you putting the word “pregnancy” in quotes like that. As if this was all made up. I dont get why some people kind of turned on you, but it happens to all of us. People grow apart, people dont see eye to eye and the initial friendship may break. It happens IRL all the time, why not online as well?

    I hope you get answers soon. Dont ever change yourself to please anyone else. I admire that you were brave enough to walk away from the drama and still remain true to yourself.

  13. I’ve decided that HCG tests are intended to make you crazy. They are a product of the same people who sell infertility drugs and Prozac and are more addictive than lotto scratchers. I wonder if the occasional BFP is like winning a $1 back on the ticket you just bought… some twisted way to keep you buying and “playing.” That might be my own personal anger bubbling up there though, sorry. With the trigger shots and fertility treatments I can’t (personally and honestly) make heads or tails of the tests. What I do know is that your story sucks (sorry, jmo but it really does) and your tenacity is inspiring. It’s not REALLY over until you give up and if there’s anything I’ve learned after watching you for these last few months, it’s that you’re going to keep going until you have a baby one way or another. Do the lighter tests mean anything? Maybe? My “twin” was told years ago that she’d never have children and she quit trying while she finished her BA. She hasn’t had a period since last year and just found out that she’s 5 weeks pregnant. The doctor (the one that told her she wasn’t ovulating and for some reason or another wouldn’t without surgical intervention) is so skeptical that he refused to call “pregnant” despite seeing it on the sono. It’s reinforced to me that 1) doctors can be real morons and/or 2) miracles happen every day. No one really knows what their purpose is in this life but maybe you’re supposed to give hope to the woman that gives birth to the next great leader or the scientist that cures cancer OR maybe you’re supposed to struggle for years to prepare you for raising that child yourself. I can’t predict the future and neither can anyone on TWW. I’m not trying to be mean but F#$% ‘EM! πŸ˜‰

  14. I’m so so sorry to hear that this cycle hasn’t worked out…. my heart is with you. People can be so cruel… you’re right – being surrounded by positive people is always so much more uplifting πŸ™‚ Here for you and cycling with you… determination will get us there one day xoxo

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