Help/advice please? And cycle update.

Hey ladies! First, if you have just been re-added to my blog, and you’re wondering what the heck happened, you should probably read this post and this post. We don’t need to re-hash any of that, but I thought you might be curious.

Anyway, I could really use your advice, whether you are infertile or not. My friend is starting a faith-based women’s group. I’m pretty excited about it. I do need to get out and meet new people, plus talking about women’s issues is a great idea and sounds empowering. The first meeting is 3/3/12, the topic is Infertility & Faith, and guess who is the guest speaker?! ME!

Even though I am so open and share a lot online, I am actually pretty shy and quiet in real life. I am not a public speaker….it scares the bejezus out of me! I am nervous, but I’m really looking forward to it. I’m so excited (and also flattered to be involved)! If I can help someone who is dealing with infertility – OR – help people become more sensitive and understanding about the issue, I am more than happy to do it!!

There will be a wide range of different women there – various ages – various points of view, etc. They may not even know anything about infertility or loss. If you were attending this group, what would you want to learn about or discuss? What would help you as an infertile – maybe a newbie that doesn’t know much yet? Or as someone who has never dealt with infertility or loss, what would you want to know about it?

I plan on telling my story, although it’s a LONG story, so I don’t know how in-depth to go. I will talk about how infertility has impacted my faith and vice-verse. I want to provide resources – like links to Resolve, faces of loss – faces of hope, etc. Maybe I should include names of books that are really helpful? My friend wants me to discuss tips on how people can be helpful and supportive to their friend who is dealing with infertility, which is an awesome idea. I swear I saw a topic like that through Resolve or something recently.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!! πŸ™‚ You all are very intelligent and always supportive, so I figured you were the best people to ask πŸ™‚

Cycle 39, CD 7 update: Tonight will be my last dose of Femara, and my third dose of Menopur (injectible). I have a follicle scan tomorrow morning (Saturday)! I don’t feel very much going on in my ovaries….I usually feel a lot of pinches. I am quite bloated though, so hopefully that’s a good sign. I know I’m still early, but I usually ovulate very early. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m ready to trigger tomorrow night.

Come on eggies!

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15 thoughts on “Help/advice please? And cycle update.

  1. Congratulations! I think you will do a fabulous job! One thing that comes to mind especially for newbies or those who are inexperienced, make sure they know infertility is a disease, just like any other, even though there is a lot of guilt and self blame involved. It doesn’t hurt for us old timers to be reminded of that too πŸ˜‰ Everything else you mentioned sounds right on target too. Maybe a flyer/handout with resources printed on it (books, websites) that they can take with them.

    Come on eggies!!!!

    • Thanks! πŸ™‚ Good ideas! It’s true. If you had some other “illness” you would share it with people and not feel guilty. That’s a good point to bring up!

  2. wishing you luck for your speaking engagement. I think you will do awesome. πŸ˜‰ I dont have much to add. I have had several losses but i also have children too. I hope im still considered a friend even though i have children. Sometimes i feel guilty for that. I feel so bad for my friends that are infertile and dont always know what to say. but i try to stay positive and feel hopeful for everyone. Cant wait to hear how your speaking engagment goes.. please let us know..
    I feel very hopeful for you this cycle.. πŸ˜‰ praying that you have a few eggs reaching maturity. Hugs Lisa….

    • Aww don’t feel bad, Shalana! That’s sweet of you to be so considerate though. You are a good example of someone who is supportive and helpful! You always have something nice and encouraging to say πŸ™‚

  3. Lisa, I think if you think about it more like explaining the situation to a couple of friends rather than a public speaking event you will find it much easier. This isn’t a topic you need to research or use cue cards to remember – – this is your life and something you are knowledgeable and passionate about! I am right there with you on not liking public speaking, abso-freakin’-lutely!! But I really think once you get going it will flow just as if you are explaining it all to a friend. Don’t plan what you’re going to say down to the word. I would suggest just having basic topics you want to cover, and then just tell your story! It sounds like that would be exactly what they want anyway. The anticipation is always worse than the actual event. Best of luck!!!

  4. Oooh I like the idea of explaining it to friends, rather than a public speech! It’s true, I’m hoping the words will come easily, since it’s something I’m passionate about πŸ™‚ Thanks!

  5. Public speaking funny story to make you.laugh: My aunt, deathly afraid of public speaking of any sort, works at a company where occasionally certain motions or other parts of the meetings are assigned to people. She had managed to avoid it over the years, but one fateful day she saw the person with the ‘speeches’ come her way. She stayed out of sight until they left, but still found it on her desk when she got back. So, she was stuck. She practiced and practiced and practiced, to make sure she had it memorized perfectly. She practiced over the phone with friends and family, and had it basically down pat. The fateful day came, and she awaited her turn with a nervous stomach. At one point she thought it was her turn to speak and started to stand but realized she was wrong. Finally her turn came. She stood up and got it pretty much right, just stumbling over a small word or two. Work colleagues who knew how nervous she’d been came up and told her ‘good job’, although she felt a bit awkward for the small errors. But she was mostly just glad it was over. Later that day, an email went out from the president, just quickly debriefing the meeting. But at the end he said a special thanks to my aunt (!), and he said, “…in all my years with this company, no one else has ever memorized their speech.” Lol!!

    Back to your situation, one more suggestion, considering that you have a lot you CAN say but not sure where to narrow it, might be to allow for questions. That way you could give a less detailed story and fill in the details where the interests of the audience is.

    I’ll be thinking of you March 3rd! πŸ™‚

  6. Def agree with opening the floor to questions and trying to look at the situation like you’re speaking with friends. That will hopefully help for you to relax a bit more and get your story/points across a bit better.
    I think you’re going to do such a wonderful job πŸ˜€

    Good luck at your scan tomorrow!

  7. As a newbie, the idea of a chemical pregnancy was one that really gave me some peace of mind. I have had so many times when there were two lines and then no “pregnancy” that I felt like I was insane. Then I had a pregnancy with NO LINES. The most common part of infertility (imo) is feeling like you’re alone and like you’re going crazy. Every experience is different but just as valid. The other thing that I think is important is talking about the differences between men and women. I know that a religious group would be a place where you are “allowed” to do so. SO many women are dealing with infertility and living in a culture where our husbands are expected to be JUST LIKE US and we don’t understand why they’re not experiencing it the same as we are. I thought that my (then)husband hated the baby but the truth is that she wasn’t “real” to him until he could hold her. His wife was pregnant, a condition where eventually a human comes out. To me, I was in love with a tadpole. Anyway, too many women are afraid to talk about that but I think that we all need to hear that it’s normal and our men aren’t insensitive and horrible and unsupportive. As far as public speaking, I’d open it up with all of the stupid one liners that people say. “Weren’t you supposed to have a baby by now?” “Oh, you guys are doing that no-kid thing, how urban” or “I can’t believe you’d do that to your child, they deserve a sibling, who’ll they have when you’re gone?” You get the drift.

  8. As a faithless heathen πŸ™‚ I don’t know how much advice I can give you on the talk you’re about to give. Resolve does have a good sheet on what to say/do/not say/not do to a friend or relative going through IF. You could print that out to give people – lots of times people like to have something to read through as you speak. ANd you can supplement that with your own experiences.

    I just got all caught up on the blog drama, and here’s my 2 cents on it. First, situations like that are one reason I have become *very* selective about the online friends whom I allow into my “real-life” side online (FB friends, etc). I don’t know if you remember my post from last year about what a complete douchebag one of my closest online buddies was to me after the failed IVF. But that got me to clean shop a lot. And secondly, whether you’re getting true BFPs or evap lines, how much does it *really* matter? You’re still on cycle 39 without a viable pregnancy. Cycle thirty-freakin’-nine. What more needs to be said?

    • And just because re-reading my last couple sentences I see they can be open to misinterpretation, let me state more clearly that what I mean is: no matter WHAT is going on – chronic chemical pregnancies or chronic non-pregnancies, this is still a devastating fertility struggle, and one that deserves support. And I’m amazed that people you met through a TTC site don’t get that.

  9. I think you may want to mention that as IFs, we have to mourn the babies we’ve never had. Even those of us who’ve never had a loss – the emotions we go through as as if we are mourning a death (my Aunt the therapist told me that – and it is true, and helps frame things, how devastating IF is). That is hard to grasp for fertiles. Good luck! I think this is a really good talk to have with other women.

  10. Oh the mourning thing is good. It’s not just the babies that we’ve lost but also the dreams that we’ve had. All of the little outfits that we see in the store. All of the times we imagined going to Disney or to the beach. I mean it’s a huge part of our culture and as we see our friends having children, those same friends that we imagined raising OUR children with, it’s tough. I am blessed to have a child and she is my universe but I’ve also had to mourn the siblings that I’ve always wanted her to have. How do you explain to a little child that just because so-n-so’s Mom is getting them a baby doesn’t mean that we can get one too? The Honda Odyssey that you’ve always imaged driving… the house in the ‘burbs… soccer practice… cupcakes for the classroom… there’s a lot to mourn. We should ALLOW ourselves that and not feel selfish. I deserve the ability to love and mother children as much as any other woman. Biology does NOT equal judgement. No one knows God’s plan but no one would tell the mother of a child who was murdered that they just weren’t meant to be a mother. The same goes for those who were never given the chance. Does that make sense?

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