I think it’s all affecting me more than I know

In some ways, I’m feeling better and less stressed. It’s nice to be more low-key now. I’m still really upset over what happened with “A” and the others. I’ve been having strange dreams the past couple of nights. Last night, I had a really vivid nightmare.

For some reason, an adult came to the children’s hospital where I work. He was a serial killer, who preferred to be called “Satan”. They had to strap him down, but he was still wiggling and straining to get out. I was supposed to draw his blood.

It was freaking me out. I was so nervous. I kept taking a long time to gather my supplies and wash my hands. I didn’t want to face him. I could see him grinning at me with an evil smile. He was spitting and saying nasty things.

Before I could get to him, he escaped! He managed to get out of the hospital. I remember feeling relieved though. I went home that afternoon. Shortly thereafter, “Satan” was outside of my house. Apparently, he had fixated on me wanted to bring harm to me. We tried to hide, away from any windows. I kept thinking that I had to protect my 3 kitties.

Suddenly, I realized that one of my kitties was gone (Maya). I looked outside, and I could no longer see the serial killer. I was panicked and scared, but I went outside to try to rescue to Maya. All I found was a bunch of clumps of fur and blood though 😦 She was gone. I felt so devastated and guilty.

That’s all I remember from that dream. WTH. Then, I dreamed that my grandpa died!! It felt so real and heart-breaking. 😦 I woke up feeling crappy. Also, I’m 19dpo and no AF, but I think I feel her trying to come.

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13 thoughts on “I think it’s all affecting me more than I know

  1. Oh lisa no wonder your dreaming weird stuff after the stress of the past few days maybe you are just over thinking what they’ve said to you and they are tranpirering into your dreams it seem like you were dreaming of people attacking you which would make sence and dreaming about your grandad may just be your feeling a sence of loss be it of a friend or a baby and its just coming out in a different way hugs I hope things improve xxx

      • I wouldn’t worry about it unless it started happening in real life just dismiss it as one of those things you don’t need to stress over this xxx

  2. Oh man, anxiety dreams are the worst. I’ve been having them off and of since we started IF treatments. I’m sure the hormones contribute to them too. It’s so weird how they can be so unrealistic and yet still rock you to the core. I think what treezuk (hi treezuk!) said makes a lot of sense.

    I think you should think about going to a support group in your area if you can find one (I think you said you’d never been to one?). I’m pretty shy myself, but find myself feeling very not shy around a small group of women who are going through the same stuff as I am. Also, as much as I love finding support online, there’s nothing like the real deal, having the support come from an actual person sitting beside you. I’m finding that it’s really helpful to have many forms of support, so that if one breaks down, there’s a back-up to fall back on.

  3. I also agree with “treezuk”. Now here comes the new four letter word..have you tested recently? I had very vivid dreams & nightmares very early on. It could mean something good. I hope it does & that af continues to stay away.

    • I did test yesterday at 18dpo and BFN. I think my hormones are kinda wacky from this cycle though, so that’s probably why. You are right though, it has been a good sign for me in the past πŸ™‚

  4. I was just thinking my first nightmare with this one was that we moved because my husband found a cheaper house & there was a demon in it. Scared the CRAP out of me! Sounds similar to your dream πŸ˜‰

  5. Sorry to hear all the you’ve been through over the past few days… people can be so insensitive sometimes 😦 Lovely to still be following along with you my dear blogging friend :)) Love to you always xoxo

  6. ((hugs)) Those kind of dreams are the worse. My doctor told me that when that happens to me its because my stress and anxiety is so high that its me having anxiety attacks while Im asleep. I would say with everything you are going through, it sounds like the same thing. I hope you have a nice peaceful weekend with DH.

    • Thank you xo
      I think I will soon become more relaxed. I’ve been trying to read and do relaxing activities before bed. My mind just sucks in everything from what’s going on in my life at night.

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