I’m the most fertile, infertile girl

What is infertility? Infertility refers to an inability to conceive after having regular unprotected sex. Infertility can also refer to the biological inability of an individual to contribute to conception, or to a female who cannot carry a pregnancy to full term.

I conceive quite often for someone who is infertile. There are people who are jealous of me. There are people who laugh and make fun of the fact that we get pregnant almost every cycle lately. It’s not funny. And you really don’t want to be me or be jealous of me. I bet there are people who can’t stand seeing me get pregnant anymore, after so many times. I’m sorry if I’m offensive, but I can’t help it.

People say, “At least you know you can get pregnant.” But there’s no comfort in that statement anymore. Getting pregnant means nothing if it doesn’t progress.

I can’t imagine going through years of infertility and never seeing a positive pregnancy test. I know it is natural for someone to want to experience that, even if it ends in miscarriage. I also know that many women feel jealous of others who have gotten pregnant, only to miscarry – and that is a totally normal feeling in this struggle we go through. You are NOT a bad person if you feel that way.

I don’t know what it would feel like to be in the shoes of someone who’s never been pregnant/or seen a BFP. But they don’t know what it feels like to be in the shoes of someone who repeatedly experiences loss. It used to be horrible, heart-breaking, devastating, depressing, and nerve-raking. I’m almost numb to it anymore though. Mostly, I just feel like it may never happen – just like you would feel if you’ve never been pregnant…I may never stay pregnant.

I am infertile though…just like you. We are all in this together, no matter the diagnosis. It is not easy for any of us. My heart goes out to all of you, whatever journey you may be on. I hope we all can get there, one way or another.

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14 thoughts on “I’m the most fertile, infertile girl

  1. I don’t think either side of this is better than the other….while I’ve never seen a BFP, I cannot imagine being in your shoes either with your losses. It’s kind of like the unexplained infertility/ diagnosis deal. I’ve been on both sides of this and know that no matter the diagnosis, there’s always something else. It always comes back to the same thing. Damn IF!

  2. Infertility hurts no matter which way you spin it. Although my journey sucks stones I wouldn’t want anyone else’s. We were all meant to take the path we were given for one reason or another and we’ll all get through it together. 🙂

  3. Are there really people laughing about how often you get pregnant? I’m so sorry. I’ve come to hate hearing ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’. I know it’s meant well, and that there is something positive in having had a BFP. Yes, I was pregnant ONCE. In over two years of TTC, I got pregnant once. For a couple of weeks. I know my RE and everyone else thinks it’s a good sign, but it sure doesn’t feel very good to me.

    I like this post a lot. I think you show the balance between all sides of IF. We’re all jealous of someone for something – some aspect of fertility that we don’t have ourselves, yet we all have IF in common and are all suffering through the same pain and stress. It truly is a condition that both unites and divides.

  4. I love how well you express yourself. This is so well said. I am so sorry that there are people being nasty to you and that you have to deal with that. I hope it’s no one I know! 😡

    While TTC our first, we experienced a miscarriage after trying for 22 months. Six months later we conceived our son. The second time around, after trying for several months, I prayed to God that if I was going to miscarry again, to please just not let me get pregnant. For me, the loss of a pregnancy was just that extra stab after trying so long, and I didn’t want it again. Thankfully, as you know, after 26 months we conceived our daughter. I really think this is one of those the grass is greener situations. Yes, before our loss, I was jealous of those who got pregnant, even if they miscarried. Because, you know, at least they could get pregnant. But I had no idea what kind of pain comes from a pregnancy loss, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

    My heart breaks for you, everytime you lose a baby. I pray for you regularly and desperately hope that one day (hopefully today–your tests look great!!) you will get pregnant with your sticky baby.

  5. I am in the bracket of never having a bfp. I have been married 12 years and yet nothing has ever happened for us. I hate it! Neither would I like to be in your situation. Having so many bfp’s yet no baby to show for it is just as heartbreaking. We are all infertiles no matter what happens on our journey to gain the one thing we all dream of. I can only keep hoping that one day we will all get what we wish for!

  6. ((hugs)) Ive never had a BFP in my 6 years of ttc. But I totally relate to your feeling of being numb. I used to be absolutely devastated. Now I am just numb and fully expect nothing to ever happen. I know how you feel and you are right we are in this together and no matter how we all got to this point, we are all here. We just took different roads and have had different experiences along the way. But the fact remains that we are all here wanting the same thing and waiting. ((hugs)) And anyone who thinks that this shit is funny is effed up!

  7. Have people really said those things to you? UGH just so insensitive 😦 I’m sorry you have to even defend yourself from people that think/say those things.

  8. I like that this is a nice positive post, and I am sure people have said this to you, regrettably. As I’ve heard the same.

    I would like to think I know how both sides feel. I spent 3 years in the trenches with IUI’s and never saw a BFP. So I know how that feels. And then we got 4 BFPs over the course of the following 3 years only to use them. So I know how it felt to feel like I’d never see a positive test for several years. And then I knew the pain you know- where “at least you can get pregnant” starts to hurt.

    It’s all bad, truly. I do think both sides hurt in unique ways. Many hugs to you.

  9. I definitely agree with you all – it sucks no matter what hand you’re dealt. I wish no one had to experience any of it 😦 Big hugs and love to all. xo

  10. I haven’t had as many losses as you, but I know how you feel. After two years of TTC we got our BFP. We were no longer “infertile” to most people. A few weeks later we lost the baby. I’m now labeled “infertile” again. “At least now you know you can get pregnant” does not help. The end goal and to hold a healthy alive baby in your arms. Not get PG over and over again.

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