Recently, I had been feeling my highest high of my TTC journey so far. I’m crashing and burning now. The past few days have been awful.
First of all, my husband spent the weekend in the hospital. Several crazy things happened Friday night (it’s a long story), and he ended up having a seizure and totaling his car. I will say that he did something very very stupid, and I’m angry. I’m too ashamed to tell the whole story. Thank God he’s okay though. I know it could have been worse, but still. There seems to be no real reason for the seizure. A few of his labs came back wacky, and he was severely dehydrated.
I’ve been spotting the last 3 days. I’m 11dpo, and I know I’m not pregnant. I think AF is coming. How silly of me to think we would get pregnant the first cycle after my surgery. 😦 We still have other fertility issues to contend with, so I wonder if it may take awhile. Negative thoughts are creeping in…like the surgery hasn’t helped us, and we still may never have a baby. I know I shouldn’t think that way. I’m pretty emotional and hormonal at the moment.
I didn’t make the top 10 for the free IVF contest. Only 92 people entered, and originally they were going to only pick 5 finalists. They changed it to 10, and I got really excited. I guess we aren’t worthy of the chance or my writing skills suck. There again, I know I’m just being irrational and hormonal…..but I’m always honest with my thoughts and feelings.
I don’t know what we’re going to do financially now. Hospital bills, car totaled, and we still have several bills (mostly related to fertility stuff) that we were working on paying off. Now another major setback – at Christmas time, too. I’m tempted to call off TTC right now.
I just feel completely stressed and alone. I know I’m not alone, but I feel that way anyway. I’m pissed at my husband, and just when things were freakin’ going soooo well, here we go again with a bunch of stress to deal with.
Hopefully I’ll get back out of this funk…I always do somehow. I’m so angry and upset right now though GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR