Maybe I’m asking too much. Maybe I’m not being grateful enough. Possibly I’ve screwed up good karma. I must have done something in my past that is unforgivable. Perhaps God does not plan for me to be a mother. Maybe the universe is against me.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more. For myself. For other people. It’s not working. Am I asking the wrong things? Maybe I shouldn’t be asking at all. I don’t feel like I’m being greedy.
I used to pray for pregnancy. But like a sick joke, I got what I wanted (several times) and it got taken right back away from me. Now I pray for very specific outcome: a healthy pregnancy that goes to term with a healthy baby. I would even accept less than that.
Will this cycle be the one? Or will it even happen at all? I prayed so hard last night to wake up and see my BFP, but of course it didn’t happen. Just like every other time. Why do I keep thinking it might?