Thank you and I’m sorry

Thank you so much for all the thoughtful and heartfelt responses on yesterday's post. It means a lot to know I'm NOT all alone. No one wants to be the last infertile left standing. But at least I'm in good company.

I think I struck a few chords with certain people. I didn't mean to offend anyone, so I just wanted to apologize and explain a couple things.

Pregnant/Mommy bloggers: I'm sorry, I haven't been as supportive as I should. I always read, but feel hesitant to comment and unsure of what to say. It's mostly me being kinda selfish. I know your goals did not come easy to you, and you deserve support, too.

I actually haven't been commenting on a lot of people's blogs lately – pregnant or not. I feel bad for neglecting people. A) I have been mopey & depressed half the time, so I'm not sure how supportive and helpful I can be. And B) My computer is messed up and running soooo slooow, that it takes forever to comment. I'm making an effort to be around more and not isolate.

Adoptive mommies to be and IVF folks: I'm sorry that sometimes I forget that we still face many of the same emotions and problems, even though our journeys have changed a bit. I definitely have a lot of respect for you, your decisions, and your strength – I know it's not easy. I wish I had the courage to make the decisions you have.

My friends (infertile OR fertile): I hope it doesn't sound like I'm taking you for granted because I do have a lot of support. I know you want to be cautiously excited for me and not get my hopes up TOO high or give me false hope. Sometimes I might need some extra hope/excitement if you have it because mine is running low these days. It's really hard to say and do the right things all the time though. I can't expect that of anyone. I love you all though – whether you're a close friend or someone who randomly comments on my blog.

I don't know for sure what I will do or what the future will hold, but thank you for being there and making it all more bearable. I hope and pray we will all get where we need to be – hopefully sooner rather than later.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


14 thoughts on “Thank you and I’m sorry

  1. I just want you to know that, even though I have been missing your comments over the past few weeks, I am not offended by your absence. I understand that this is a difficult road to travel – especially when it seems as if everyone else is zipping right past you. Anyone who knows you (IRL or by reading your blogs) should know that, regardless of our or your current situation, we have your undying support. And you have ours!

  2. You don't have to apologize…you have the right to have emotions and your blog is your outlet for them. We love you and really pray that things happen for you sooner than later! You are not alone on this journey.

  3. No need to apologize. Everyone has ups and downs through their IF journey and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. I am thinking of you and wish you the best you deserve it!I may not comment often, but I stil think of you and pray for you!

  4. I agree with the other ladies. No need to apologize, if you can't get out your feelings on your own blog, where can you? We all go through phases where we feel disconnected and alone. I am still praying for you and honestly believe that you are so close to becoming a mother!

  5. I also agree, you shouldnt have to apologize for the way you feel. We all know what a sweetheart you are and I for one took nothing personally. Hang in there girl!!

  6. Hi Lisa,If there's anyone who knows how you're feeling, I am a true testament. I've been TTC for 18 years and not yet have a baby in my arms. I know exactly those feelings you speak of and don't EVER apologize for them. People who have lived or are still on this journey need to know and do know that this is a rough thing to go through. It's not for the weak at heart, but there's comes a time on this journey that you do face the cold hard facts, and that is that you do get bitter, angry and cry in self pity if you have not had your blessing. Questions of WHY have a WHOOOOLE different meaning. You search high and low to find out why when in reality there is no answer. The ONLY answer I come to is in one word and one word only, PERSERVERANCE. There's no other way to endure such torture. Your hearts desires are your hearts desires. Point blank. Samson and Goliath have nothing on us….the infertile!!Many of these ladies, whether they have their blessings or not, they know your pain, felt your pain at some point. It's not fair that some have to endure the pain longer than others, but in the end it's not the individuals that determine that fate, it's God as so many say and simply not our time. I can't really come to terms with that phrase, because I surely don't understand why God would make me wait so long, but the ‘not giving up’ part that is imbedded in my heart, is what keeps me going and an obvious desire that God has placed there or I’m just stubborn as hell and don’t want to be defeated. Na…..I chose God. You’ll have your low times, no comment times, pity times, angry times, happy times, etc. Embrace them and move on to the next day. And if it's another bad day, then so be it. I TRULY feel your pain, because I'm in your shoes. I’ve been walking in them for a long time. I have been on threads that EVERY single person whether younger or my age, has had their baby & even 2 or 3 after that at this point! I do look at some with envy, but I'm not angry with them, I get sad and angry with my situation. Staying away from forums and posting isn't a crime or make you a bad person. You and you alone have to deal with the daily sadness and seek what's best for your heart and soul at that time. I wish you nothing but happiness. Find an avenue….whether it be donor embryo, egg or IVF again. You take the time you need. Blog if you feel the need, but never feel bad that you are not in tune with other peoples journeys. Sometimes we just need time for ourselves and our own demons or healing. I compare the 2 because I have felt both. You have been and are a very thoughtful, caring person that has had a rough time on this journey. That's nothing to apologize or justify yourself about. You are human and if those who care for you will be there till that glorious day when you give birth to your beautiful baby! I hope you find the right path. I am here to talk to you if you need me. I have driven down this road for a long time and if you ever need that encouraging person to give the boost to go a totally different route, please call on me. I will be there to tell you GO FOR IT! Many Blessings,Lorrie

  7. Visiting from ICLW. Infertility is so difficult, filled with highs and lows. It's great that you can write about both here. There is no need to apologize for being honest with your feelings. That's what blogs are for! Wishing you luck on your TTC journey. I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle using a donor egg so I'll be waiting just like you in a couple of weeks.

  8. Lisa you don't need to apologise, this is the hardest journey to be on and one of the hard parts is that you want to be able to talk to other people in the same situation and its tough when their journey on this road changes and your left trying to congratulate but at the same time feeling like it should be you. It should be you, I hate that anyone has to go through infertility and everything that comes along with it. You are a lovely lady and I am so glad that I can call you a friend xxxxxx

  9. Please don't apologize because I feel the same way as you. You are entitled to feel any way you want. This isn't easy and jounaling about the way you truly feel is the only way to get through it. I'll be praying for you.

  10. once again, I totally understand. I find it hard to comment on pregnancy and new mommy blogs too, not b/c I dont want to but more b/c I have no clue what to say and no real way of related (except my own ill fated pregnancy that I assume nobody wants to be compared to). I think you need to be just as you are, up/ down, happy/ sad- this blog is about you and you need to use it and this community in the ways that will be most hopeful to you. sending much love your way, take all the time you need

  11. I just want to say I don't agree with your apologies. I don't think they are needed, to anyone!! This is your blog, your world and you need to do whatever makes you happier. This road is so so hard in ever aspect of our lives. Please don't apologize for reading and not writing, or not reading at all! Take care of your heart and your friends, IRL or here will understand!!hugs…xoxo

  12. No apologies are necessary! This is your place for your feelings! And don't apologize for not commenting – if it doesn't feel right or easy for you to do, don't do it. Hugs to you….

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