I feel quite ugly at the moment — sad, bitter, jealous, etc. Why is it so easy for some people? Don’t they say that good things happen to good people? Or good things come to those who wait? What a load of bull. I know plenty of good people who get shit on constantly. And bad people who get everything (without any appreciation).
Maybe it’s because it’s Fathers Day – another year that I can’t make my hubby a daddy. Mother’s Day is probably the worst though. I don’t know, but I feel like crap. I just want to cry or scream or punch things.
After absorbing the information from Dr. Sher, I have concluded that there’s no way we can successfully conceive without serious medical intervention. Yes, we can get pregnant – but I will just keep miscarrying. There is no hope until we find out exactly what’s wrong and how to fix it. Even then, what if it’s NOT fixable?
Also, how much is this going to cost us? The autoimmune panel might not be covered by our insurance. I have to find out. Then, how much is the treatment going to be? I work so hard and all my money just flies out the window. Health insurance is a JOKE. It’s not fair.
I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe we will never have children. I’ve thought that before, but I’m almost ready to believe it now. I have so many things wrong with me and standing in my way. Why would God make me so broken?
I have been physically broken for awhile, but I’m starting to feel mentally broken, too. I don’t want to be angry or jealous or avoid people/situations. I hope I can get out of this funk. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.