Feeling kind of pessimistic

I’m not sure what has come over me. I was feeling pretty hopeful and excited this cycle, mostly because we’re trying Lovenox for the first time. Although, the past couple days my hopes are going down. I really have no reason to feel gloomy, except for the fact that we’ve tried many things that should have worked and did not. I’m tired of believing in a miracle medication or treatment or hoping that it’ll happen out of the blue with no intervention. 😦

I guess any cycle could be “the one”, but after all this time it makes me feel like it’s just never going to happen. Or that we’ll get pregnant again only to miscarry AGAIN. I’m so anxious to see a BFP, but so scared at the same time. I don’t know what more we can do to make it happen. I hate having zero control and having the best possible scenarios still turn out BFN or in miscarriage. It’s wearing on me.

Well, it’s still very early. I’m only 7dpo or 9dpo. Too early to be discouraged. I’m just thinking about our 2 year (Active) TTC Anniversary coming up, and I can’t imagine how much longer we will be on this road. How much more money will be spent, babies lost, or how much heartache we can bear. My soul is tired and weary. But I still can’t stop hoping that it will happen someday/somehow.

Sorry for the downer post! I’m sure I’ll find my 2nd wind and keep on going.


15 thoughts on “Feeling kind of pessimistic

  1. I'm so sorry you are feeling so discouraged. It's hard to face this cycle after cycle, and you have gone through so many more treatments and time than myself. I know that there are no magic words to make it better, but it will happen for you. You will be a fantastic,loving mother, just like you are a fantastic,loving wife and an exceptional nurse. Hang in there!

  2. Don't feel bad for expressing how you feel – anyone who's experienced IF unfortunately knows about the waiting, worrying and disappointment. It's all part of the package… Sending happy thoughts.

  3. Hugs!! Its ok to feel down at times. You have been through so much, but each month you somehow pick yourself back up and try again. You are so strong. Hang in there girl!!

  4. I am so sorry the negativity is getting to you. I think this is all so cyclical and we get down and negative some times. I always think about giving my hope over to some one else during those times, so I am going to hold on to some hope for you when you cannot. Hang in there….

  5. Lisa – never apologize for a "downer post". This is your place to vent and feel and express all of that. We're here to support you and let you know that it's okay to feel the way you do on any given day at any given time. It's tough, all of this. But we're here, and we understand. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for this cycle but I think the Lovenox is an excellent move in the right direction. And it's only once a day, that's a blessing. (((hugs!!!)))

  6. Ah yes, the rollercoaster of pessimism and optimism – we all are on it. It's hard to have hope every day. And it's ok if you don't – we'll have hope for you. Hugs…

  7. It's impossible to ride this emotional rollercoaster and never get the blues. I think you are handling things will as much grace as humanly possible. If i can encourage you at all I would just say that God is able. And he wont fail you.

  8. ((Hugs)) IF is so up and down, don't feel bad for the down times. We can't be all rainbows and butterflies all the time. This is HARD. We are only human. Sometimes we wonder how much more we can take. It's okay to ride the tides and here is the place to voice your feelings.You have been such a great friend to me, Lisa. I truly appreciate your kindness and all your wonderful advice. You're one hell of a cheerleader, too! I hope I can be the same to you!

  9. sorry for your blahs. i'm feeling the same way. the fact that we have no end in sight is so hard to deal with. it causes so much anxiety and depression. i'm in a big funk. hoping hte spring sun will help break that funk. hugs.

  10. So sorry that you're feeling blue right now 😦 Don't apologize for getting it all out, if you can't share your feelings on your blog, where can you? We're all here to listen.

  11. Girl, all of us IF peeps get the who "down" moments. That's what blogging is for! So glad you can reach out when you're feeling like crap. I've been feeling that way, too, a lot lately. You hear it all the time, right? Those miracle babies? It's hard not to be hopeful every time, even though it's tiring. Ugh. Lotsa lotsa hugs. xoxo

  12. Post as many downers as you want. I think we all deserve them and should post them. Don't get me wrong, it sucks that you're feeling blue, but it's comforting to see someone else that feels the same way. Just beat and bruised, tired and scared.

  13. I think were allk good for a downer post, me once a month to be exact!!!! It's hard imagining how much longer this journey will be, we just passed the two year mark and its so depressing, but the good news is, your BFP could be in a week, a month or a year. Yes it's hard not knowing when, but with your determination and commitment, I just know its coming, hopefully sooner rather than later. Xoxoxoxoxox

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