I still haven’t opened it

I still haven’t opened it…my packet of paperwork from our local foster parenting agency. At first, I was just telling myself that I was busy and didn’t have time to work on it. Now, I am feeling a little bit afraid.

First of all, I feel like if we move forward with foster parenting, we are giving up on TTC. I’m not ready to do that. I know we don’t HAVE to give up. Sometimes I DO want to give up though. Maybe I’m not in the right mind set to go through with foster parenting yet.

I also feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. It’s a lot of work, time, and energy. I know it would be rewarding, but maybe we aren’t in the best place for it right now. I’m working a lot, still pursuing fertility treatments, etc. It probably wouldn’t be fair for me to commit yet.

I have concerns about taking in a child that is unknown to me & we’re unknown to them. What if they can’t stand us or being away from home? What if we can’t make them happy. What if we love them to pieces, and they get placed back at home?! How do you handle that?

Will it be rewarding and fulfilling, or will it be more heartache? It would be amazing to be able to provide a nice environment for children who need it. I feel selfish though, because I want a child to keep. I wouldn’t want to send them home…although, I know it’s best for them to be with their family, right?! I guess it depends.

It is something I really want to do…someday. But perhaps I will wait awhile. I still have hope that we can have a baby to keep somehow/someway. I just don’t know when or how or why or when to give up on that dream or keep pursuing it or what avenue to take!

Everything has felt so confusing since my failed IVF/loss. I hate this. I’m usually so certain, I’m a planner, I know what I want. But I don’t know anything now. I am trying to stay positive and hope that my new dx of the blood clotting disorder will be the answer, but it might not be. We have to look at other options. It’s a hard spot to be in.

Any insights on foster parenting or choosing other options? I know it’s hard to give advice on these things, because it’s such an individual choice. Don’t mind me while I ramble on and sort through this 🙂

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15 thoughts on “I still haven’t opened it

  1. I think you should wait. It sounds obvious that you are unsure, and it doesn't sound like your chances having your own baby is over. I think you need to let your fertility run it's course, and then look into other options if that is what it comes to. Just don't rush anything… and be sure to pray about it.

  2. I understand. We had our paperwork for 5mos before we opened it. Dh was more scared than I was but all of those things concerned me too. They still do. Idk if we will take in a foster child where the parents still have rights. You do have a choice in the decisions from what ive been told. We only want to take in a preadoptive child or adoptable child.Its ok if youre not ready. Just hold onto it and pray pray pray. God will let you know if/when the time is right and your fears will just be calmed.

  3. Thanks! I think my problem is that I feel under pressure to either conceive before I hit early menopause, or just look into other options now (and save myself some more heartache). It's hard figuring out the best path.

  4. Do what you feel is right for you. If fostering doesn't feel like something that you're ready for just yet, then don't feel obligated to do it.It's ok to be selfish, specially after what you've had to go through.

  5. You don't sound selfish at all! Don't let early menopause rush you into foster/adopt, you can do that at any age. Now is the time to focus on your fertility and health. Being a mother will happen for you, just the when and how are still up in the air.

  6. Yuck, I hate that how hard all of this is. There is no right answer at all. I think you should take all the time you need, but remember if you start the foster/adopt process you can also slow that down at any time too. Hang in there….

  7. I'm sure it seems so overwhelming. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for! Sending you some peace to help you make the right decision…

  8. There are no timelines, so no need to put pressure on yourself. When your ready you will know, sometimes it makes us feel better to have a plan and so we look into other options, but sometimes those other options dont entirely resonate with us, so it's ok to not have a backup plan right now and just wait & see. Give yourself permission.

  9. If you need to think about it for a while, do it! Foster parenting is a huge commitment. When I told my grandma that we were taking foster parenting classes, she said, "Are you giving up on having your own?" I think that's just a common misconception. For us, foster parenting is not giving up, in fact its no kind of "replacement" for ttc at all. It's something totally separate that we are feeling led to do.I think after you take a while and think about it, if you start acting on it and you feel like you are moving in the right direction, then continue down that path. It seems like yesterday I was filling out the initial paperwork and now we are almost halfway through classes. Everything was just right, and since it was right it moved quickly.I'm thinking about you and praying that the answers will show themselves for you:)

  10. I don't know anything about foster parenting, but I think you are right . . . .you have to be ready to commit and be in the right mindset to do it.I am guessing this would be a difficult thing to do if you aren't 100% into it. I wouldn't want it to be ruined for you, just becuase of bad timing!

  11. I have a single friend going the foster parenting route now, and I know she is beyond excited. I also know that I'm not in a place right now to be doing that myself. Take your time lady. You'll know when you're ready. When you want to tackle that paperwork and all of the questions. You'll know…

  12. My only advice is to wait to commit until you're sure. I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to have conflicted feelings about it – it's a hard decision. Don't feel bad that you're not immediately gung ho excited for it. Just take your time, and figure out when the decision makes the most sense to you.

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