I have been having the strangest dreams the past few nights. And no, I’m not pregnant. Although, vivid/strange dreams are usually a sign for me. I have been obsessively peeing on sticks the past few days, and a couple times I thought I saw something, as did others on my favorite forum, but it has not amounted to anything. 😦
I suppose I could possibly still get a BFP. I’m only 11dpo. But usually at this point in my cycle (around 11-12dpo), I pretty much feel “out” if I don’t have a positive. I wasn’t expecting much this cycle, since we’re trying naturally – but STILL. It’s always disappointing.
The other night I dreamed that I was in a store, doing some shopping, when the cashier asked me specifically, “How long has HE been kicking?” I looked at her, feeling angry and shocked because I was NOT pregnant…or I didn’t know I was pregnant. I then looked down, and I had a baby bump! WTH?! And why did she say HE?
Last night I dreamed that I had all these pee sticks that I’ve used the past few days in my drawer in the bathroom. The ones that were inconclusive or BFN. I went back and looked, and they were all BFP! With really nice pink lines! I WISH that were TRUE! lol. So strange. I went to post them on my favorite forum, and I saw that one of my cycle buddies, Annabelle M, had gotten her BFP! I don’t think she has though, or I would have heard! I hope that dream comes true!
I wrote a little poem the other day, that I thought I would share with you all.
“A mother’s longing” by Lisa Bailey
We are not quite mothers thus far in physical form
But we were destined to be, from the moment we were born
Forever chasing the elusive daydream
Loving our precious babies, sight unseen
We suffer the deep longing of a mother’s heart
Even after years of being slowly torn apart
The feelings of yearning still remain
Of the ultimate dream we so wish to obtain
Our angels and babies lie somewhere in wait
One day we’ll be brought together – it’s fate
After suffering immense loss and grief
Numerous disappointments, such disbelief
Wondering when this too will come to pass
To have a real prospect, a healthy child at last
We continue fighting and hoping
Praying, wishing, and coping
We can lean on each other and hold on tight
Never give up, lose sight, or end the fight
Because a mother’s heart is one that’s especially strong
The emotions are innate; they are in no way wrong
We will get there someday, somehow, someway
*Sigh* even if it takes forever and a day
(Hopefully it happens before it’s too late
Although, I believe it will be worth the wait)