I’m feeling better physically. AF is gone (thank goodness, because it was a mean one!), but I do feel a little out of whack hormonally. Almost like PMS, and I’m on CD 8, so that doesn’t make sense. It’s probably from all the drugs that reeked havoc on my body during IVF. It almost feels like I’m still on them.
Emotionally and mentally, I’m still struggling and feeling drained. I keep feeling like we are further away from bringing home our baby, than ever before. IVF seemed like it would be the perfect way to find the best embies for a healthy pregnancy. Now I don’t know what to do! I am a planner, and it feels odd to not have a plan. It scares and depresses me that our journey is probably long from over.
I got my lab orders in the mail. I’ll be tested for the following things:
~Lupus anticoagulant: Blood clotting disorder
~Anticardiolipin Antibody: Blood clotting disorder
~Antiphosphatidyl serine: Blood clotting disorder
~Factor V leiden: Blood clotting disorder
~Homocysteine: An amino acid in the blood that can also detect low levels of B vitamins, like Folic Acid
~Antithrombin III: Blood clotting disorder
~Protein S & C activity: More blood clotting disorders
~TSH: Thyroid (Mine has always come back normal)
~Prolactin (Another hormone level, mine was normal over a year ago)
~Hemoglobin A1C: Determines blood glucose levels
~Karyotype (For both myself and my husband, to detect genetic disorders)
In the meantime, we are sort of trying naturally, but not stressing and not expecting anything. I’m not temping, using OPKs, etc. My fertile window is coming, but I’m almost a little scared to try to get pregnant right now. Although, there’s a part of me that knows I can never NOT try. Why do I want this so badly? Why would God put this desire in my heart if it is to be left unfulfilled?! Why have I always felt I was meant to be a mother?
In a way, I’m hoping they find something else wrong with me. That sounds strange, but maybe it’s something we can fix! On the other hand, it would be difficult to deal with yet another diagnosis that would stand in the way of us having a baby. A lot of people are insisting that I demand Lovenox with my next treatment, and I think they are right. I’m willing to try anything at this point. We’ll see what the blood work says though.
The Pursuit of Pregnancy 
I know what you mean about wanting something to be wrong so that there can be something to be fixed… I've been there myself. Wishing you lots of luck and love as you find your way to your new plan friend!
Such a tough spot being tested for more things. you want them to find the answer to your problem yet it's also devastating to get a new diagnosis. i hope the outcome is whatever will get you closer to a baby.
Thank you ladies! xoxoI'm seeing a regular RE at the moment, but I'm sure if they find something, they might refer me to the proper channels.I really appreciate all the love and support