Dreams are always crushed

What did I really f***ing expect? That this time would actually be different? Stupid naïve me. My beta is 6…you read that right – 6.

I was 2 days early for my beta so I *suppose* there's the tiniest chance of it increasing enough when I go back on Saturday.

The nurse told me this would most likely not be a viable pregnancy. She sounded very grim. I hate that she said that without the doctor even reviewing it yet.

This is not fair. Everyone says to stay hopeful, but I don't know if I have any strength left. I'm tired of fighting so hard for every damn thing and getting nothing but bullshit thrown at me.

I have just cried and cried. Now I feel so angry…at myself and the world. Sorry for the rant. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


38 thoughts on “Dreams are always crushed

  1. Lisa, I agree. I have witnessed many miracles…God is full of them!!! Praying for you. Praying that you find peace for today in all the chaos that surrounds you. You are a beautiful person and you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

  2. I'm sorry hun. It could still be early! I will be praying for you in the meantime, and hope that you just caught the little bean very early. *hugs*

  3. <333New commenter, just found your blog. I really hope everything goes well tomorrow morning. I'll be babysitting a 3-week-old, so I'll borrow some of his wrinkly-neck snuggly baby vibes and mentally send them your way.

  4. oh lisa – fuck. i'm so sorry for this. i hate how this is so hard and also sometimes the providers who tell you about it are so nonchalant. its so irritating! i wouldn't have strength left either. cry away girl and know we're here for you. hugs.

  5. Pingback: Goodbye 2011 ~ Hello 2012! « The Pursuit of Pregnancy

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