You know me…the eternal optimist, the positive one, the one who doesn’t give up? Well, I don’t even feel like that person right now at all.
Ever since yesterday afternoon, I’ve had this feeling of impending doom. I feel like this IVF cycle is going to be a failure. I’m a crying, emotional, moody mess. I’m not even sure why I think/feel this way. It’s still too early to be discouraged, but I am anyway. And then I’m so crazy that I am afraid I am going to jinx the outcome by being negative (negative thoughts bring negative things)?! WTH is wrong with me?! Hormones?!
Probably my main problem is – I started peeing on sticks too early. I know, please don’t lecture me. I thought maybe I had a super early BFP 2 days ago. I had a negative test 3 days ago, so I thought “yay, the trigger is gone!” Then I started getting faint positives again the following day and got excited. But today, they are still just faint as faint can be.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the trigger playing games with me, although it’s been 12 days since I had 1 injection of Ovidrel. Maybe all my tests are bad, even though I’ve used a variety of brands. If it was real, I think it would be darker today, and it’s definitely not darker. Maybe it will take a couple more days to get darker. Or the tests will never get darker. Maybe my babies tried to implant, but failed.
My emotions are being toyed with, and it’s my own darn fault for POAS. I’m just starting to feel like this will be like every other cycle. I’m sorry for being a downer today. TWW is torture.