Day before trigger (I think)

My RE seemed very confident that I would be ready to trigger tomorrow (Monday) night and do egg retrieval Wednesday. I definitely feel very full and somewhat sore in my ovaries, so I’m hoping he’s right. I tend to stim pretty fast, with the exception of IVF #1, when they over-suppressed me (but that was my old RE).

I keep thinking back to the conversation with my old RE after my failed IVF cycle. I was feeling so low, broken, confused. He made me feel even worse, by saying that I would never respond well enough to do IVF. He said we might as well just do IUIs. I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice, that he had given up on me. I felt like giving up on myself, too.

Then I met with 2 new REs at 2 different clinics. Something about my new RE stood out. I felt like he was so confident that we could make it happen. Of course he said I would be a challenge, but he seemed up to the task. He definitely renewed my hope, but I was still feeling like such a failure.

Deep down I know that I’M not a failure…it’s just that my body is failing me…but it makes me feel less of a person, less of a woman. It’s frustrating, depressing, and pisses me off to no end. I’m supposed to have 3 kids, isn’t that the plan?! Why is my body aging too fast?! There is no explanation for this diagnosis.

But here I am, proving my old RE wrong, proving my old feelings wrong, going above and beyond the statistics and numbers. I am not pregnant yet, but I can’t help but think that a miracle is in the works. I have already won something here. In your face old RE! In your face DOR!! LoL.

Last night Andy told me how proud he was of me, for being brave and doing whatever it takes. It sure was nice to hear that. I already promised our future baby a long time ago, that I would do whatever it takes to bring him/her home to us.

I’m feeling anxious and excited about my final follie check tomorrow (9:30am)! I hope everything is still progressing as it should. I will update from my phone asap! 🙂

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11 thoughts on “Day before trigger (I think)

  1. Just catching up, sorry about not commenting earlier. I'm so excited for you that your IVF cycle is going so well! Look at you, proving your old RE wrong!!! This has to make you feel so good about searching for someone else, someone that will work with you. And I love that Andy said he's proud of you for being so brave – this is fantastic. Keeping everything crossed that everything will go so very well!!!

  2. This was GREAT to read. I love that your DH is so supportive and that you didnt take no for an answer when the old RE rained on your dreams.Just fyi I triggered last night and …OUCH!!! omg ready to get these eggs out. No one warned me. I feel like i'm caryying throbbing softballs around in my pelvis 😦 Good luck on your trigger. We will be in 2ww together!!

  3. As much trust as we put in our doctors, I dont think they always know what they are talking about. Our bodies and responses vary from cycle to cycle, so how they can say anything with any certainty?! I am so glad you found a confident doctor who knew bettter, and I hope tomorrow brings nothing but wonderful news. xoxoxoxoxox

  4. I cant wait to hear about your follie check in the morning. Andys comment was very sweet!! Im so glad you didnt listen to that other RE ans found this doctor.

  5. You have such an amazing attitude Lisa. It is frustrating when you feel like your body is failing at what it was made to do. I'm so glad you gave it another shot and found this new Doctor. You're a fighter and that's a wonderful quality to pass on to your coming little one. 🙂

  6. You ARE an amazing and brave woman! I still say good for you for not listening to that old RE and going out there and getting 2nd opinions! That alone shows that you weren't willing to give up. You are your best advocate (with help from your wonderful DH). You should send a birth announcement to that old RE – make it clear that you got your baby without his help!

  7. So glad things are still going well hun. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like a failure, or like your body is failing you. All that anger gets turned inward and tears us apart, but don't let anything get you down right now. You are doing amazing!

  8. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement! <3I love the idea of sending my old RE a birth announcement. LoL! I better not be gloating yet though! 😉

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