My RE seemed very confident that I would be ready to trigger tomorrow (Monday) night and do egg retrieval Wednesday. I definitely feel very full and somewhat sore in my ovaries, so I’m hoping he’s right. I tend to stim pretty fast, with the exception of IVF #1, when they over-suppressed me (but that was my old RE).
I keep thinking back to the conversation with my old RE after my failed IVF cycle. I was feeling so low, broken, confused. He made me feel even worse, by saying that I would never respond well enough to do IVF. He said we might as well just do IUIs. I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice, that he had given up on me. I felt like giving up on myself, too.
Then I met with 2 new REs at 2 different clinics. Something about my new RE stood out. I felt like he was so confident that we could make it happen. Of course he said I would be a challenge, but he seemed up to the task. He definitely renewed my hope, but I was still feeling like such a failure.
Deep down I know that I’M not a failure…it’s just that my body is failing me…but it makes me feel less of a person, less of a woman. It’s frustrating, depressing, and pisses me off to no end. I’m supposed to have 3 kids, isn’t that the plan?! Why is my body aging too fast?! There is no explanation for this diagnosis.
But here I am, proving my old RE wrong, proving my old feelings wrong, going above and beyond the statistics and numbers. I am not pregnant yet, but I can’t help but think that a miracle is in the works. I have already won something here. In your face old RE! In your face DOR!! LoL.
Last night Andy told me how proud he was of me, for being brave and doing whatever it takes. It sure was nice to hear that. I already promised our future baby a long time ago, that I would do whatever it takes to bring him/her home to us.
I’m feeling anxious and excited about my final follie check tomorrow (9:30am)! I hope everything is still progressing as it should. I will update from my phone asap! 🙂