I’ve been sitting, waiting, wishing…

I’ve been wishing and praying for my take home baby for quite awhile now. I can’t stop thinking about due dates or the days I lost my angel babies.

April 2010 was a particularly bad month. Angel baby # 2 was due on April 19, 2010. Then I actually miscarried angel baby #3 on April 19, 2010. April should be a happy month, because our anniversary is April 12.

All I can think about are the what ifs. We could be holding a child in our arms and already trying for another.

Now December is also a rough month because angel baby #3 would have been due on December 27, 2010…which is only a few days away. I think it would be a lot harder on me, if I wasn’t looking forward to our upcoming IVF cycle. I’m so thankful to have a distraction.

On each special date, I try to honor my angel babies in some special way. I will light a candle, say a prayer, or write a poem. I know that they were early losses, but they represent so much more to me.

I hope that very soon we’ll get our take home baby. “Until I can hold you in my arms, I will hold you in my heart.”

My prayers are with you ladies this holiday season. I know that many of you have experienced losses, as well. Keep holding onto your dreams.

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9 thoughts on “I’ve been sitting, waiting, wishing…

  1. It is hard to always wonder "what if". I haven't been blessed yet with a child nor being pregnant, but I do sometimes wonder that if we were able to conceive when we started trying our baby would now be over 3 years old. I saw this one the internet, and just thought to share it with you:"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth."-Unknown I hope that you will only have positive thoughts for the future. Good luck!ICLW #57

  2. Those reminder dates suck big-time. ((hugs)) I'm glad you're looking forward to your IVF cycle. I know for me, it made me feel a little bit better just to feel like I was really *doing* something, and pulling out the big guns at that.

  3. It's so strange that we can feel like we're "stuck" with these traumatic dates after losses. You know I was due around 12/31/10….hopefully next week we're so busy with shots and stuff that we get through it with physical but not emotional bruises. 🙂

  4. Beautiful post lisa. It brought tears to my eyes. December is hard for me as well. Two yrs ago we got a late christmas present, a bfp. Unfortunately you know how that ended. Im glad you have a distraction. I also think its good to remember your angel babies.(hugs). I hope you have your take home baby in 9mos!

  5. Oh… oh how I get what you are saying. I have lost 4 pregnancies – two were due on the 22nd and 23rd of April, but two years apart. One was due on Christmas Eve. So it should be my baby's 2nd birthday tomorrow, and we should have at least two little ones to celebrate Christmas with this year, but yet again we have nothing.

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