I told myself that I wouldn’t get excited or get my hopes up for IVF #2.
I have been feeling terrified that it will fail or I won’t even make it to egg retrieval or embryo transfer. Or that I’ll make it all the way through and my embryos will die off because of my poor egg quality. Or that we’ll have great embryos and still get a BFN. Or maybe I’ll get pregnant and miscarry again.
Those are all very scary scenarios. And very real scenarios. It’s probably more likely that one of those things will happen vs. actually getting pregnant and carrying to term.
Even though those thoughts are still present in my mind, I am starting to get excited and hopeful as we get closer. I wonder how I can still muster up optimism when all I have had is disappointment after disappointment. I still think it might work though.
I wouldn’t do it if I thought it wouldn’t work. That would be ridiculous. But maybe me thinking it WILL work is ridiculous. I mean, isn’t it crazy that we’ve had ideal situations for making a baby in the past, and we haven’t been successful?! So why would this time be any different?
It’s like a struggle or an argument going on inside my head. I have a new doctor, I’ll be taking new meds, I have a better chance this time. Yeah, but that doesn’t change my diagnosis or the fact that my ovaries and eggs are crappy. All we need is one or 2 good ones, right? Yeah, but some will die so we need more than that if you want to get technical.
I think optimism is going to win in the end though. Only 2 more weeks (approximately)! You have to allow yourself to dream, right?! 🙂