I told myself that I wouldn’t

I told myself that I wouldn’t get excited or get my hopes up for IVF #2.

I have been feeling terrified that it will fail or I won’t even make it to egg retrieval or embryo transfer. Or that I’ll make it all the way through and my embryos will die off because of my poor egg quality. Or that we’ll have great embryos and still get a BFN. Or maybe I’ll get pregnant and miscarry again.

Those are all very scary scenarios. And very real scenarios. It’s probably more likely that one of those things will happen vs. actually getting pregnant and carrying to term.

Even though those thoughts are still present in my mind, I am starting to get excited and hopeful as we get closer. I wonder how I can still muster up optimism when all I have had is disappointment after disappointment. I still think it might work though.

I wouldn’t do it if I thought it wouldn’t work. That would be ridiculous. But maybe me thinking it WILL work is ridiculous. I mean, isn’t it crazy that we’ve had ideal situations for making a baby in the past, and we haven’t been successful?! So why would this time be any different?

It’s like a struggle or an argument going on inside my head. I have a new doctor, I’ll be taking new meds, I have a better chance this time. Yeah, but that doesn’t change my diagnosis or the fact that my ovaries and eggs are crappy. All we need is one or 2 good ones, right? Yeah, but some will die so we need more than that if you want to get technical.

I think optimism is going to win in the end though. Only 2 more weeks (approximately)! You have to allow yourself to dream, right?! 🙂

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11 thoughts on “I told myself that I wouldn’t

  1. Absolutely Lisa, you do. And it's hard because nobody wants to be played "the fool" who believed and hoped….but if you didn't, like you said you wouldn't even be trying. And so that in itself speaks volumes. All it takes is one little glimmer of hope and you never know what the outcome is. For some its the first try, for others its the 2nd, 3rd, 4th our 5th. So dare to dream, dare to be hopeful….your optimism will make the journey worth it! And I am getting super excited for you!!!!

  2. Exactly. You have to hold on to hope or what will you have? I think its good that you can see the situation from both sides! Im praying you get the bfp you so deserve!!! Hugs!!

  3. Hope is what keeps us going through all of this. It's a good thing that you still have hope in your heart. I'm hoping that this new doc and the different meds will make all the difference for you!

  4. Hope can be the worst part of this IF thing, but also the best. I think hope is the way to go on this one, the second time around, knowing how you react to the medicines and knowing what to expect should make it a little easier!Not much longer!!!!

  5. I think it is almost impossible to go into a new cycle without hope and optimism. And I think that hope and optimism is exactly what you need right now. Embrace it friend… I'll be hoping for you as well!

  6. Optimism is definitely good. I really believe that the mind body connection is key and that you need to be positive for this to work. I know you've had so much disappointment and I really hope that this cycle is the one for you!

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