Typically, I spend a few days feeling down after a failed cycle or chemical pregnancy. I am usually very resilient. I actually *thought* I was doing fine, but everyone around me noticed that I’m not doing fine. They noticed before I did.
I think I’m slightly depressed. It kind of worries me that I didn’t notice right away. I’m always in control, and it scares me to think that I’m losing it. My coworkers mentioned that I’ve been awfully quiet recently. I thought I was acting “normal”. I like to put on my brave, smiley face for work. I do work with kids, after all. It’s not good to bring your problems to work, but I didn’t think I was.
One of my friends and a family member mentioned that I’m acting like a hermit. 😦 I really don’t mean to shut people out. It’s easy for me to open up online to my TTC sisters, but it’s harder to cope in the real world amongst fertiles and the crazy stresses of daily living. I think I need some new coping skills. While it is therapeutic for me to meet other infertiles online – I can’t just live on my computer.
I know I need to focus more on my hobbies. I haven’t written any poetry lately. I haven’t read a new book in God knows how long. I haven’t even been out with my hubby or friends for awhile. Maybe I am a hermit…oh that thought is even more depressing. Am I really letting all this stuff take away from who I am? I don’t want to lose myself.
I have the next 2 months to focus on me and take back my life. Infertility – you no longer have a right to control my life! I will be happy again and do things I enjoy!
Any suggestions for me? What do you do to cope or get through hard times?