What a week

Sunday I began getting lighter lines on my tests. I knew what was coming. I cried and cried. My poor hubby – he didn’t know how to console me, but he did the best he could. He is hurting, too. Monday’s beta was 4, so that only confirmed what I already knew. Miscarriage number 3 was inevitable. By Wednesday, my beta was 0. The only good thing about that (and I use the term “good” for lack of a better word) was that I would be able to continue with IUI #4. Initially we were going to do IVF, but my doctor has devised a new plan that he feels will give us a better chance. I’ll explain that later. I had been dealing with my m/c all week, but yesterday I started bleeding heavily and cramping really bad. Early miscarriages can be very painful, both emotionally and physically. Now the miscarriage is more real to me, and I’m quite emotional. I don’t know if I can endure another. Am I really getting stronger like some people say? Or am I getting weaker? I feel that the latter is the case. I don’t know.

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